Hollywood

Originally Posted by Ana_is_my_passion

I am going to be 20. You'd think most people would be somewhat excited about this because of the fact that their not in their 'teens' any more, but not me. Me turning 20 is just another big fat reminder of how much of a failure I am. I was so successful when I was younger. When I was 17, I lost 100 pounds in a year and got down to 99..kept my weight like that for a good 6 months. After that, I binged for a whole year and gained it all back and then some. I've been this way for two years now...I still have all of my tiny clothes that once fit my tiny frame...what a failure..I was so strong then, I said no to everyone that offered me something. I only ate once a day and it was salads at dinner time with no dressing or meat. I don't know how I didn't faint. I did physical education just fine. I think my willpower was so strong and my mind kept me going. I felt on top of the world. I realize this now, but then I thought I was still a failure. I thought I was weak because I stopped losing after 99 pounds. 100 lbs in a year is an amazing accomplishment, but I didn't realize it then. The word 'no' just poured off my lips like it was nothing..now when someone offers me something, 'no' is the last thing I think of. How could I be so stupid to ruin something like that? I was so beautiful then when looking at old photos..I am only young once and I am afraid that by the time I am 40 I'll get back to being that strong person again but it will be too late and I won't be as beautiful as I could be if I lost all the weight now. I need to lost this weight ASAP before I get too old..I am going to do my best to do it and maybe this birthday is just a fire under my ass to get me going again. If anyone can help to keep me strong, it would be greatly appreciated. If I can't be beautiful, then I am better of dead...so any words of encouragement would be wonderful...

And that's why I am not looking forward to turning 20.