AnaKezia

I work in the food service industry. How.damn.ironic.

Everyday, as I run the till during lunch hour, I am so completely disgusted by the amount of food that people willingly put into their bodies. Not just the amount, but the KINDS of food. For example, today a woman came up to the counter. I smile, ask her how she is, can I get you anything? In my head I'm thinking, please god, please just order some water, that is all you need. She orders:

A ham and salami sandwich, with full fat mayo, on cheese bread (which is texas sliced white bread with huge chunks of cheddar cheese in it - ugh) with 2 MORE slices of cheese on top, a full fat cream soup (cheddar and broccoli), a bottle of coke, and two double chocolate chip cookies. Not to mention the 3 packs of crackers she took for her soup.

THIS IS MORE FOOD THAN I EAT IN A WEEK. Talk about artery clogging crap going straight to the ass. I practically gag just looking at it.

I've been liquid fasting for about two weeks. The first week was straight juice and water (usually grapefruit or cranberry juice, not from concentrate!), which is totally awesome - fasting always makes me feel so clean! It must have to do with your body as it detoxifies itself, breaking down all the dead and sick tissue and getting rid of it. This week I broke the fast by introducing some basic foods - 1 cup of grapefruit for breakfast, usually a cup of vegetable broth for lunch, an apple that I munch on over the course of a day.

I find the emptier I am, the greater focus I have in all aspects of life. I am very interested eastern philosophy and I consider fasting/food restriction not just some disorder. It is (in my opinion, I am totally aware that not everyone might agree with me) the way to enlightenment. The whole concept of Zen is that everything is nothing, emptiness is fullness, and becoming detached from all the illusory desires of the material world. Hunger is an illusory desire, because here in the First World (Canada and the US) with a frickin McDonalds at every corner, people don't know what true hunger is. I believe in discipline and am constantly working to strengthen mine. Restriction of food takes discipline. Waking up at dawn to exercise and meditate then work an eight hour day on your feet takes discipline. If you want anything hard enough, you have to work at it. It takes discipline to achieve a Zen state of mind, and a Zen body - empty.

Of course, I'm human! It's not always easy, and there are days when I feel so fucking fat that I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. Which is what brings me here! I'm always cruising pro-ana blogs and sites and I've been lurking around on this site for a while. I'm not much of a joiner, community wise, I've always had a great appreciation for solitude, so I'm kinda going out on a limb here and trying something new!

Much love.