nothing

so i used to be thin 1 year ago i was 120 lbs of course i wasnt always that way i guess my ed started when i was 13 im now 24 anyways when i got pregnant with my first daughter i was able to not gain unnessary weight cause i seriously only ate when i just couldnt stand it anymore well my pregnancy was horrible my daughter was born with a few problems not really sure if it was because of my ed but my hsband said it was my fault well after i had her it took not time to lose the extra baggage that i did gain and after that i told my husband that i had my ed under control well i ended up pregnant again i cryed for ever cause i didnt want to gain any weight i know that sounds selfish but i couldnt help the thoughts of being fat again and this time my husband made me eat he said if i didnt he was gonna leave me and take the kids so i was under his watch the hole 10 months it sucked cause i was completly misserable well i was 120 lbs when i found out i was pregnant and the day i had my second daughter my finally weight was 220 can you beleive that shit i gained 100 fucking lbs and all my husband can say is i look great hes out of hes friggin mind and he says he dont understand why im so pissed i gained so much weight and why i care what other people think of me and you know i really dont know either i just always have it pisses me off to know end i wish i could just eat what ever i want and not gain a pound of course my husband is only 126 lbs and he can eat what ever he wants and not gain a pound i feel lke a friggin whale next to him i hate sleeping next to him in bed cause i feel like i might rool over and squish him anyways ive gone on a hugh diet since i had my second child and ive already lost 30 lbs in one month so my current weight is 190 my goal weight is 120 or 115 hiding my ed from my husband isnt easy i have to eat in front of him so i guess you know what comes of that if he knew what i was doing i would lose everything but i just cant stop i dont want to stop