Nervous.

omfg.
Definitely blew this whole weekend.
I can't even write about it. THAT is how bad I was.
Disgusting.

I feel like when I am fat like this I don't want to do anything. Like, I make excuses to not see my friends and stuff.
It's too embarrassing.

I'm supposed to start back at LHS this week. But, they never called about my schedule so I can't today. I'm going to try to get out of going until next Monday. If I go back now people will for sure see that I'm fat. :/ So gross.

Thinking about taking another round of laxatives.
I want to
.. But, I don't.
I got so sick last time & it sucked.
But I lost so much weight.
But then I gained it back.
I would have more self-control now, though.
Everytime I think about taking them I get nauseous.
But I HAVE to get thin.

I think I should do it.

I won't take more than I did last time.

Oh, my god. I just thought about it and got chills.
They make me so sick.
It can't be THAT dangerous, right?

Besides, this will be my last time.
Serious.

It makes sense.
Last time I was super ill for 3 days.
So, the next time I will be able to eat is Friday. That will only be a little bit - Crackers, I'm sure. Same with Saturday. And then Sunday I will know that I head back to LHS the next day so I won't be bad. Then I'm at school and I have a full week to return to normal before P and I hang out that weekend. It will be perfect.
Right?

Speaking of P.. <3
He texted me saying that when we don't talk I'm all he can think about.

We've been together-ish for SO long, you would think I'd be over this.