Amaya

I've decided to move in with my boyfriend. All I keep thinking is the binge I need to have beforehand. The last 'hurrah', which is a bit screwed really. I don't binge often actually, but I have these specific food-binge rituals that I don't want him to see, but I'm sort of sad to lose them. I haven't told him I'm bulimic yet. I brought up my self-harming hoping it would edge into me bringing up my 'disordered eating' habits, but that went kind of poorly. I was trying to navigate the conversation into a space where I felt supported, so that I'd feel comfortable, but it did the opposite. He knows I've self-harmed in the past, he's seen it, so it wasn't so much a confession as a 'hey, I do this to cope and I'm worried about how it'll work when I'm living with you'. I don't know. I think he's too dense in this area to catch on anyway. I've been drinking too much vodka, and I also have a cold. I miss my mother. I even miss my father. Having no parents is strange.