I Would Die to Have It

Yet again, I get to watch myself shrink. It'll take 6 weeks just to lose 12lbs to reach my 1st GW (150), and 12 weeks to get down to my 2nd GW (135). The plateaus are the most difficult, when the old fat cells fill with water until the fatty acids are fully flushed out. I can hardly wait for my clothes to fit like they ought to fit. Like a Russian nesting doll, I still have two smaller figures to go, before finally emerging my UGW (a few pounds more than my Lw)

I need to lose the first five pounds as quickly as I can, before a soft double-chin makes itself a permanent fixture. The remaining thirty five can be burned off during frosty morning jogs & toning sessions at the gym. Only a month before Christmas pictures in front of the tree. I'm mentally preparing for feeling extra cold as fat layers around my thighs & back disappear. For most of my workday at my apartment, I Winnie-the-Pooh around, trying to make the hamhocks on the sides of my hips shrink from the cold.

I resist all kinds of baked, sugary temptation while doing my monthly grocery shop. I force myself away from every convenient snack food I love (pizza rolls, spagettiO's, pop-tarts, double chocolate & pistachio muffins, eclairs, French cheesecake) and I get grapes, celery, carrots, apples & pears. Lots of soup. Hi-protein/zero-fat yogurt, walnuts, and 2 types of lettuce. I don't have much freezer or storage space, so I know the very best way to stay slim is to pack every inch with veggies. Steamables microwave brussels sprouts are a personal favorite. I can't fit the edamame or Breakfast eggwich boxes in the freezer, but that doesn't matter when everything inside comes individually wrapped with cooking instructions printed on the wrapper. Even with the most careful budgeting, with the least expensive items & absolutely no meat or desserts- it's still nearly $150 for groceries for the month for just me. My great-grandmother (a true child of the Great Depression) should be rolling in her grave from the injustice.

Even with the focus-assistance of a written list, shopping between 2 stores takes 3hrs (It'll only get busier as Thanksgiving approaches) and getting everything in the house & put away takes another 45min.

Of course as soon as I get home, I don't want a healthy lettuce wrap. I want Chinese food or something fried & crunchy. Remembering how much I spent on groceries is my only deterrent. I have an apple & cereal, and I feel the lumpy fat around my body to keep from ordering Chinese anyway. If my flabby body weren't enough of a reason, my finances should be. I shouldn't be carelessly spending when I'm trying to save for my trip. I shouldn't give in to stress-eating! I know better! It doesn't make the mental attachment to the stimulus of food any easier to break.

I go through the motions of filling out an order for two dozen Insomnia Cookies, then canceling before checkout. I do the same the next day, telling myself that I 'can always order it tomorrow'. Knowing it'll always be there helps fight the Need-to-have-it-now feeling. I still only have a 50% success rate with donuts. If I don't buy donuts for 6months, that's an extra $90 for my trip.

My mind is half on a work conference call, and half on the expensive cheesecakes (yes, two) I ordered to take to my future in-law's for Thanksgiving. I know his mom says it'll be just close family, but that's still 8 people and 6 of those are grown men who like Big Servings- not to mention the fact that Southerners expect to take a plate home. My subconscious is still dreamily picking out baby names that sound like Harlequin Romance characters. He said when he proposes, he'll want to be married in a few months and start having kids right away, I think while looking at my boyfriend's daily Good Morning, Beautiful Sedulous Princess text, but he's very unaware of the length of the wedding planning process. So many events have been pushed back and there are still so many limits on guests & catering staff. I guess I could pull most of it together in six months, forgoing all the little details...

"M"s 2021 runway show used marionettes instead of models. I guess there aren't enough doe-eyed, knock-kneed teens to model the XXS samples. The clothes look the same on the toothpick puppets on strings with equally flat figures, blank faces & lifeless eyes.

https://images.app.goo.gl/J3xujp8zHmNapizW8