yet another bulimic girl, geez

[FishFace]

Hey everyone

I'm 19, I've been regularly bingeing & purging for some 17 months now. Maybe I'm not full-blown "bulimic", but this has become too much of a problem for me to handle. For most of high school, I had a problem with binge eating. I gained something like 40 lbs one year and my disgust with myself sorta messed up my grades and school attendance and having any friends and stuff. Since I started purging, my weight hasn't gone up so rapidly, but I'm not really losing weight, and I want to. More than anything else.

I started out purging just a couple times a week, but lately it's once or twice a day. I keep telling myself "you idiot, you can stop purging if you want, you're acting like a child" and every time I throw up, I really believe it will be the last time. But after a few months, I start to wonder what the hell is wrong with me, why haven't I stopped?

My weight has been going up because of this. It's making me act like a freak, just totally irrational. Sometimes, after eating too much and not purging enough, I freak out and just want to die. This isn't how I should be.

I can't really ask for help from any other place (friends or family or school counselors.... no way). I don't even know if I'm ready to stop. But I don't like feeling alone, so somehow I came across this forum.

Look forward to knowing you all.

[Night-butterfly]

Hello =)
You are not alone! I'm looking forward to get to know you.

[FishFace]

thanks night-butterfly