I have been bulimic since I was 15 - I am now 23.
I wont lie and say I have stuck at it for 8 years because I havent, I seem to have an addiction to being unhealthy.
I have already got an alcohol problem and the only time I have ever not had the urge to purge is when I havent really cared how thin I was just how I was going to have my next drink without anyone noticing. I never ate much when I was drinking everyday but the calories from a bottle of vodka all add up.
I have been sober for almost 1 month - doesnt sound long but if you knew me you'd get it. I had a bad experience after getting so drunk on 2 bottles of vodka I could not move off the sofa and my boyf had to call my parents to come and try to help me. When sobering up I looked in the mirror at my bloated face and stomach and just thought thats enough now - I need to lose weight again, I am quite tall so any extra ounds I carry makes me look like a giant beast.
As soon as I decided that was enough I decided to detox - Detox involved not eating all day and drinking water until 5:30pm then eating rice cakes and fresh fish to the bare minimum. I lost about 9 pounds in a month and felt absoloutly great but the urge to eat some "real food" was too much and I started eating red meats, bread, chocolate etc. Only very little but eating it all the same. The laxatives came back out - Dulcolax are the ones I swear to - I have tried senokot but find I need to take a whole pack for any effect.
I started taking 4/5 at lunch time at work after eating 1 apple, then at dinner at 5:30 I would eat my dinner - something low in calories/fat but still too much for my liking - I would then throw up as much as I could as by this time the lax's had dissolved so I had no threat of them coming back out and by about 8/9pm I would be on the loo clearing hopefully the rest.
I am now taking upto 20 lax's at lunch but I am fiinding it hard to not eat crap like biscuits and sweets at work where it is worst as I cant throw up there. I eat a dinner at home as little as possible and it all ends up in the toilet in whatever state but I have out back on 2 pounds and I am looking a little more "healthy" as my mum would say. Summer is coming, my arms are still huge, my face is still fat and my legs still almost touch at the top!!!
I dont want to take more lax's as I think 20 are enough, I cant seem to steer away from junk food at the moment and I hate the thought that when I have thrown up I havent got it all out. The thought of my body adding on all the pounds is making me sick!!!!