All I see is a black hole

[rodesnikki]

Okay so I'm 15 and I wish my life was already over. I don't get the point in life, all it is is a pointless waste of time with no point in life. Everyday I think of how my life can end.
I wish and wish everyday that I didn't have this train of thought and I was just a regualer teenager who only thought about boys and homework but no I have to think of food 24/7. I'm a mia and have never been lower in life. To my parents im a fake and liar To my friends I don't want anyone around me. I just want to be by myself
So I guess that all there is to say is that if anybody has any tips plz tell me b/c I feel hopeless and out of control

[Camason]

Your only 15. U have a whole life ahead of you. At the moment it probably feels like your only option is to not live and you probably have the same feelings i used to, like 'If i dropped dead 2moro, they (my parents, friends, family ect) will be sorry'. If your like me you may have already started to self harm ( I once drew a penticle using a compass and scratched it over and over into the back of my hand. I still have that scar and im 20. I also tried to slit my wrists when I was 14 and still have thick scars. Self harming is seriously not the way to deal with it. Please take my advice, as I, like you had parents who thought I was just a attention seeker, I did not have many good friends and the friends I did have abandned me. Why?? I have no idea.
Im now 20, I still dont have many friends but the ones I do now have, take me for who I am and accept my past. My parents now understand me more and because im not a child no more I do what I want and I can understand why they did some of the things they did. It was to help me, to make me stronger, to prepare me for the real world.
So please dont give up just yet. Wait till your 18-19, you can drink, you can drive, you may even have a boyfriend and decide to have children and if all you can think about is food..well soo what. If people dont like you for who you are...f**k them. Start thinking about yourself and who YOU want to be...dont let anybody bring you down or try to change you..Be yourself and you will find your true friends and your family will acceot it within time.

I hope your ok..Dont give up just yet darling...You've got such a long way to go xx <3

[rodesnikki]

Thx so much for that. It makes me feel good that someone cared eough to reply

[bionic_seahorses]

i know how you feel. when i was 15 i felt the same way. i was mia...still am...and all i thought about was the next time i could eat, and where i was ganna purge. and when i wasn't thinking about that, i was looking at other girl's bodies saying "man, i wish i could look like her." i was so deep into my state of mind that i tried to commit suicide, twice in one week. i ended up in the psych ward for a few weeks. it was the worst experience of my life. i also went thru eating disorder programs that didn't work for me because i didn't want to change. but, one day i woke up and realized that i did have some self worth, and that i was beautiful and i was seeing myself differently than everyone else was. you are 15 years old. it's one of the hardest times of your life. but, you have your entire life ahead of you. i know you don't think so now, but in five years...what ever people thought about you in highschool isn't going to mean shit to you. you are probably a beautiful girl, and deserve to be happy. fuck your friends, teenage girls are cruel and a lot of them will probably never understand an eating disorder. you have to find your inner self and be strong for yourself, and know that you are going to get thru it. you can't have a rainbow without the rain!

[x2to00x]

i have to agree with the above posts. 15 was one of the hardest years of my life. i was suicidal the whole year and after that i dealt with depression until 19 when i attempted suicide and the hospital was HORRIBLE. they chained me to a bed for two days, i was on suicide watch and everyone knew i did that.

ugh. things are better now 10 years later and they started to pick up i'd say 6 years ago. i personally hated when people used to say that to me though. it's like, "i have to live those 6 years! and they are hell!" i wish i could make it go faster :-(

also, you're probably way better of a person than you think you are at this time. teen years suck. you'll get out the other end and wish you could have known now what you'll know then.

be strong sweetie!