Is there really any hope for me?

[arrested_in_space]

I really don't know who to talk to anymore. I'm considering calling one of those suicide hotlines just so someone will listen. I am incapable of doing anything right. I go through my day thinking I have almost everything in place and working properly but when my boyfriend comes along I just become this blathering idiot who cannot do anything to save her life.

I suck at darts (I aim and 85% of the time I'm not even close...and I've practiced a LOT). I don't have anything interesting to talk about (except art. and Lord knows that's not interesting to men). I'm too skinny (internalizing stress and fear and sadness makes for a pretty rocky stomach which is reluctant to accept food no matter how hungry I am). I forget to return movies and call people and sometimes even pay bills (my credit is shot). I'm too pale. I shoot my mouth off on a regular basis. I say the wrong things or I speak without even thinking. I mope at the first sign that I might suck at something...like hitting the dart board.

I think sometimes my brain gets hijacked by some foreign entity intent on ruining my life. People tell me I'm a beautiful intelligent girl, but I'm beginning to think everyone is lying to me and really don't know me for the horrible being that I am. I'm just this sad sack; all I do is exist, and I don't even do that well.

It's to the point where when I'm with my boyfriend hanging out, I manage to start a fight every 2 days or so by f*cking something up. He hates me. I can't do anything right and I can't keep my mouth shut. I shouldn't even be writing this thread...

I'm just this bundle of nerves waiting for my next mistake. He can even predict when and how I will f*ck things up. I can't even make the situation better when I do; I can't mollify his anger. I know I suck. I can't go on bullsh*tting everyone. I thought I was this intelligent and successful art major up until I met him. Then my life went to sh*t and I feel like all of it is attributed to me. I don't know if I'm in an abusive relationship or my depression is just making me stupid and klutzy. Does anyone else out there feel like this?

[Shandy]

Lose the boyfriend..
Thats all there is to it.. you said yourself you where happy untill he came .. you think he hates you, thats no way for you to feel in a relationship. Get out of it before you hurt yourself hun

[dog_trainer]

if u dont feel good with him, what's the point?
i think u should leave him n do things that make u happy,
think of what is fun, enjoy your time.
if u like art u should paint,
n im sure they're many guys who like art too.
good luck! be happy!

[lalalalaah]

There no way around it, dump the guy, he's the fuck up by the sounds of things not you. Thats why things fucked up when HE came along. And leave art alone! It's awesome! even if I do suck at it hehe
But yeh, perk up and say bye bye to the boyfriend! (: