A big Moo from the Food Glutton

[Food Glutton]

Hi,
I am a food glutton or a punishment glutton depending on how you look at it. I am 26 years old (I feel 40 some days and 16 others). I am engaged to a great guy. I have suffered from ED and SI behaviors since around the age of 12. My currents stats are outrageous! I am 5’10’’ and I weigh a frightening 180 pounds. At my lowest I was 104 and at my highest I was 209 (I was 8 months pregnant). I rarely SI anymore. I recently (last week) had a miscarriage as a result of a minor traffic accident. That was my 6th miscarriage. The odds of me carrying full term are looking very minimal. I have decided to use my ED to cope with this tragedy. I am hoping to lose 20 pounds by June 1st. I am not really sure what else to say. There is another site I use but its not too active these days so I am hoping to find support here.
Thanks,
Amanda A.K.A. Food Glutton

[butterflykisses]

I want to start off on a happy note and say welcome to the site.. I'm a newish member as well.
Now on to the sad stuff. I am 20 years old and have known for about 10 years I may never have kids.. I know how you feel when it comes to using an ED as a way to cope with that. To be honest thats the main reason I started with my ED. I felt like it was my bodies fault that I couldnt carry and started with the destructive behaviors at the young age of twelve. I have had 2 miscarages this year and that has pushed me back into my crazy ways.. A few weeks ago though I came to a realization about it all. I'm sure you've heard this saying before but.... "there is more then one way to be a mother".
I have been having that said to me for years but untill the other day when it clicked it was just another stupid saying to me..
Its true.. i know its hard to accept but maybe having a child of your own isnt in the "plan" for you. The universe has a cruel way of saying things sometimes. I just want to let you know its not your fault and hurting your other organs isn't going to bring you happiness. I know its hard but try and find other ways to feel "motherly" and it won't be as hard to cope. And if you ever need to talk about anything I'm a click away and in practically the same boat

[Food Glutton]

Thank you so much for taking time to respond to my post. It is very encouraging just knowing someone out there gets it. I just can not imagine talking about these things and expressing them in real life. I can barely manage to open up on line. I am not sure what my options are yet. I am going through a lot of testing and so is my man. So once we find out what is happening we will go from there. But I can not sit in this fat body that currently feels like a grave yard any longer. I am putting my energy and effort into perfecting myself. I may never get to be a mother but that does not give me permission to become a fat old maid!