Mia and not happy

[Leena]

I have been mia for like 2yrs now, I am getting kinda sick of it but I don't want to recover. Does anybody know of ways I can make myself happy? Depression is killing me. I feel really bad because I keep eating and then after purging I have to wonder if I got it all out. I don't like having to wonder, any ideas on how I can know for sure its all out???

[blue*eyes]

I'm in the same boat.The only true way I know I got it all out is if I can taste the acid from my stomach. Or when I start to dry heave. I hate this life!!!!!!!! I wish I wasn't so lazy and concerned about my fat! I've been mia for 2 years and just recently I've really gotten to know ana. I have a major depression problem also. My down fall that I have is drinking. It makes me feel better, but I'm so concerned about the cals. But if I have a couple of glasses of wine, I always feel lots better!!

[mirage of xanthe]

I drink a lot too. I went into recovery from all of my eating disorders earlier this year, but am falling fast back into it. I hope i don't become bulimic again, I'd rather just starve to oblivion.

Do you see a therapist or take any medication? My medication has helped me tons but if you really truly hate yourself.. a pill won't do anything to help.

When I used to purge all the time [and I lost most weight by being bulimic, btw], I'd just keep purging until all that came up was water/acid. The acid is nasty but the relief is like nothing else.

[~ruuna~]

I drink a lot too. I went into recovery from all of my eating disorders earlier this year, but am falling fast back into it. I hope i don't become bulimic again, I'd rather just starve to oblivion.

Do you see a therapist or take any medication? My medication has helped me tons but if you really truly hate yourself.. a pill won't do anything to help.

When I used to purge all the time [and I lost most weight by being bulimic, btw], I'd just keep purging until all that came up was water/acid. The acid is nasty but the relief is like nothing else.

I'm glad you got help and I hope you can stay strong for all of us.

[the mirror lies]

sometimes...i eat cucumbers an hour or so before i binge(if i know when i'm going to) and then i drink tons of water....then i binge, once i'm purging....if i get to the cucumbers, i know i got all of what i consumed between the cucumbers to the end out.