help?

[kay-lee72]

hay..im not sure what this website is, but i am looking for help, or at least someone to talk to about being bulimic. i am fourteen and i have been anorexic/bulimic for the past two years, i know thats not long compared to most people but i cant deal with this anymore. ive been struggling with weight my hole life and i was sick of being overweigh, hence i became anorexic. i would eat around 100 calories a day and puke-this lasted for about a year-i ended up finding myself binging then puking. i gained a repulsing amont of weight from this and ive been trying to cope with bulimia for a little over a year, but i feel its gotten worste the past few months. i binge and purge at least once a day-today 3 times- each day thinking it will be different tomorrow, but it never is. ill go days without eating and lose weight but as soon as i get back into binging i gain it all back. i cant seem to stop binging, ive tryed everything. i started to cut myself everytime i would binge as a punishment, this lasted for 2 weeks and in those weeks i only binged 5 times. i quite cutting because i thought i was getting better, but i didnt...i recently started again..i dont know how long it will last this time... i would give anything in the world to be thin. i know this is a horrible thing to say, and many people are fighting this awful sickness, but i would rather be severely anorexic then deal with puking and eating tell i want to die. but i cant stop binging, its like an addiction. i dont know what to do. i dont want to be bulimic i hate myself more each day for living like this, but i dont want to get better, i want to get thin. im afraid if i try to eat normal ill gain weight and i just cant do that. its hard to deal with all of this alone and i cant bring myself to tell anyone i have an eating disorder, and id rather keep it from anyone that knows me, i just need some advise or someone to talk to....

-well thanks for listening, sorry for the waste of time

[hellotheregirl_]

heyars, it sounds like you need a chat.
it's perfectly normal to binge when you've got a ed, it really is, i reckon most people who do have at some point during their time in it, and continue to do it the whole way throughout. Personally during the past month i've been binging alot more, regretting it greatly after about ten minutes and getting rid of as much as i can. It's not nice no, but when you get stuck in the cycle it gets harder and harder to get out. I used to self harm and started when i was twelve, so four years ago. I guess it began because i was punishing myself for being me, and when i did things wrong it was my way of taking control, but after the age of fourteen when i really started caring about my weight it did become a punishment thing. I don't do it so much now, but if i do have a bad binge then i do. I understand that you want to be thin, so do i, i feel horrible saying it, i mean i'm not one of the older members on here, and i read other peopels stories and i think it must look like i'm really making fun of the fact they're trying to rebuild their lives and i'm sitting here moaning about myself. But at the end of the day, ti won't change how i feel i guess, so yeah, it's sick to say, but it's a goal i guess.
Hope you have a nice day.
xxxxxx

[Thru_The_Looking_Glass]

Well i have had bulimia going on seven years now and I am 21. I started to get help around year 5 of my disorder; I suggest u get help sooner, I wish I would have. It will destroy ur life, trust me. And dont be ashamed to tell someone. Yeah, there r definately ppl who dont get it and who r judgemental, but what u need to realize is that this a disease, something that u can not completely control. There is medical evidence that ED's are genetic and can be passed down in families. I am a perfect example of that. My mother is anorexic and so was my great grandma. Would u be ashamed to tell someone u had cancer or diabetes? No. Get help, tell someone, its the best thing to do. And trust me if ur binging now and u start eatting normal ur going to lose weight. It doesnt matter if u thing ur getting all the food out when u purge, ur not. And if u have self-destructive tendencies there r probly a lot of underlying issues fueling ur ED. I used to cut also and use other methods to harm myself and it was all because I wasnt dealing with issues in my past. These emotions that were coming up were to intense and i wanted to stop them so i would binge and purge and cut to dull them. So, bottom line, u really need to talk to someone in ur family about it and work on finding a therapist to help u deal w it and start a recovery plan.