Ugh, i dont know where to start really, i dont even know whats going on myself tbh. Sometimes i think there's genuinely something wrong, other times i feel like im just being completely melodramatic. I talked to one of my friends who also feels a very similar way to me, has similar views on the world and on herself, she went to get help and they really didnt do much for her except piss her off more, although, she still told me to try so has my boyfriend and another friend. Its just i dont feel like i should even have the privilege to be seen, i feel inadequate to these people who have a diagnosis and know theres something definitely wrong inside their head, somethings definitely come loose. I dont even know what id say when it came to talk, "So whats wrong with your life?"" fuck all actually, im just depressed and mope about all the time occasionally taking a blade to myself when things dont go my way and feeling completely hopeless and worthless when ever my boyfriend doesnt give me attention, really there are bigger things to worry about. And yet, i still can snap myself out of this, its like i have heavy chains tied around my chest and a big padlock in the middle, except i locked those chains there and placed the key flat on my tongue and swallowed it. I kind of just want to be told here yes you have this now be on your way, i tried online tests, however dubious i may be about them, and they suggested a whole number of things, the most common being depression, narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder, although i think that may have something to do with the self harm, and thats a whole other thing all together.
Basically, i know this whole rant may seem pointless, and i may just seem like a spoilt teenager indulging herself in her own self pity, which probably is just the case, but i needed to get this down somewhere and i thought this was a good place to start, if anyone has any kind of input, then please, feel free.