I regret recovery, now i cant stop eating.

[louloo]

Ive had ana for 3 years. 7 months ago my doctors finally made me go into recovery. dietitian, shrinke ect. ive gained sooooo much weight. like 40 pounds atleast i refuse to step on a scale or ill become mega depressed. i hate how i look i only eat healthy foods but i binge on bags of carrots and celery. i still dont eat junk. but i binge on sugary drinks and gummy vitianmins. i seriously hate myself. i just feel like i cant quit eating. and im scared to purge. pleassse give me tips on how to lose this weight,
im also ocd about working out i do everyday for at least a hour. ive tried diet pills and everything dosnt work! i feel like i wont stop gaining. i just need to !!!!

[LightsTurnOff]

No tips allowed here - so please don't ask for them! They aren't usually constructive or helpful anyway!

Maybe you should go back to your doctor and discuss the new problems that have arisen for you in terms of bingeing, it's an equally difficult problem to deal with as the restriction and you shouldn't have to go it alone. You might not like the sound of that but until you decide to take control and deal with the underlying issues that are causing your ED (as opposed to just the weight/eating side of things) it's not going to go away unfortunately and might keep popping up in various forms.

[smile colette]

We can't give you tips, sorry /:
But someone told me once, recovering is more than just gaining weight. If you still feel guilty when you eat, if you're still afraid of the scale, if you still hate yourself, and if you just have the same mentality as before you recovered, then you're not recovered, not just yet. Please stay strong and get better soon. <3

[weightlessrunner]

Recovery is self acceptance.

[louloo]

Thank you, and i understand i need to talk to my doctors but i feel like they wont listen. i just want to be thin. i know its silly but i just feel out of control.

[tulips]

You're still in the process of recovering if you're thinking & feeling like this. Talk to your doctors, seriously. Have they given you any reason to think they wouldn't listen to you? It's obvious they care about you because they're helping you recover.
You probably haven't gained as much weight as you think. Just stay calm & think things through on your own or with your doctor's help. Your body will thank you in the end.

[Caged_songbird]

Your body has been starved, hence the binging. Losing weight would only make you more starved and make the binging much worse. You need more food than the average person because you don't just need it to sustain life but also to repair your body from the damage of your anorexia. Everything becomes compromised- your bones, your heart, your digestive system, your brain- even if you think that it's not necessarily that bad, you can't see the internal damage. If you eat regularly and don't restrict, the binging will eventually decrease as your body realises that it's not being starved. If you can figure out what caused you to develop your ED and work through it, you won't have to rely on it to cope. Recovery can be very hard and you may not want to let go of your ED, but it will get easier if you work at it. It is worth it because an eating disorder is a half-life; to live in constant fear of the scale, obsessing over numbers and feeling held back from being able to do things because of your weight is no way to live.

Please talk to your doctors and be honest about how you're feeling about yourself, it will really help you to recover and live a life where your self-worth is not based on your weight.

[high_voltage]

Aaah I feel similar to you. I've put on about 20 lbs since my low weight last fall and I feel that I just gain and gain all the time. It's hard to be in the inbetween place where you have a measure of physical health but you still deal with the emotional aspects of the illness. I'm hoping you can talk to someone you know and trust about this. Have you considered going to a support group? Like Eating Disorders Anonymous? They have groups all over.

[xblindmyeyesx]

recovery is good! also i gained 40 pounds to when i eat agian in recovery its because your body is in starvasion mode and it wont burn as much as it did before thats why they say "ull gain it all back when u eat normal agian" eat healthy asn exersice youe motablism will get back in time and ull be fine

[chubbygirl]

I heard that you end up gaining a lot and it's not unusual.. but your body will eventually find a set point and the gain should stop. That's what they say anyways..

But this is like a big fear of mine.. worrying that I won't be able to stop eating or gaining if I even start to try to get better. I'm sorry you're struggling and going through this.. so brave to get this far. Don't throw it away now.