Ugh sorry I haven't been on in FOREVER I've been trying not to reach out as much because I'm in this sort of weird spot where I love my disorder and don't want to give it up or get help.

But anyway I passed out at a school function recently and so my parents are sending me back to treatment on the 13th. It's day treatment at the Renfrew Center....So it's not inpatient although they said that they might move me to inpatient if I lose weight and don't do well while I'm in day treatment. But basically I'm freaking out. I don't fucking want to go. I don't want to give up my ed symptoms. I don't have anything else. UGH fuck treatment. This sucks. Anybody else been to treatment? What was your experiences like when your motivation to get better is so low?