I posted somewhere else about how I was going to Day treatment starting Monday.

But I'm literally crying my eyes out right now. I can't go to treatment. I don't want them to make me any fatter than I already am. I hate my body. Plus this ed is all I have. I suck at everything else. Can't they see how worthless I am? I just want to starve, and binge&purge in peace. It's really not fair. It's my body. Nobody else's. I should be allowed to do what I want with it. I need control over something, anything. They can't take this away from me. I got shitty grades this year, shitty sat scores, I suck at riding horses now, I'm nothing. I'm complete shit. Losing weight is the only thing I have and they want to take that away from me. Ugh I hate myself and I hate everything.