The thing I hate most about my ED...

[haleylove]

For me the thing I hate most about my ED, isn't the fact that I hate myself and I have a shitty relationship with food, it's that I'm not even losing weight properly.
I was anorexic for several months with a BMI of about 16.8 or so, and oddly enough I was more happy and content with my body and food then, because I had more control over that part of my life. But now, I hardly have any since my "recovery", and I'm worse off mentally. My EDNOS now consists of restricting, bingeing, purging, and over exercising, where before I was just restricting, and compulsively exercising.
This is just a rant, but I am just so pissed at myself for not being able to control myself like I did before. I mean, I HAVE done it, I HAVE gotten to my ideal weight before, and because I did it before I should be able to do it again right? Then why haven't I?

Tell me what you hate most about your ED.

[holsie]

The thing I hate the most about my ED is how the need to be thin, the need to be hungry and empty is ruining other aspects of my life. It's not only ruining my present but my future too. I can't study, can't make friends, can't do anything productive. I find it outrageous because I'm young and I should be having fun. I had an internal battle with myself so I can have a little bit of food and drink on my high school prom so I'm not weak and boring. Most other teenagers don't have that problem. Yet, I can't bring myself to even think about trying to stop.

[Dainty]

I'm diagnosed bulimic, not EDNOS, but recently as I've been fighting the bulimia I think I'm veering more towards EDNOS.

The thing I hate most about my ED is how manipulative it's made me. Every word that I say is a lie to try and cover up my ED and I feel like such a terrible person because of it. Another thing I hate is that I do STUPID things (like eating month-out-of-date raw seafood to try and give myself food poisoning) so much that it's become normal. I hate the lieing cow that I've become.

[sparklethin]

I hate the way people look at you when you have an ED, like they just judge without even understanding what is going on with us. I hate not being able to go out for dinner with my friends and family and the need to avoid everything because there may be a small chance i will have to eat there.

okay i feel better now

ranting sometimes helps hahaha

[Liesel]

I hate the fact that I have gone through so much sh*t but have nothing to show for it. Except a few scars.

And the way its ruining my life. But other things contribute to that, like me.

[awake]

I hate that it's out of my control. That my mind tells me one thing, while really saying another to everyone else.
The contradictions drive me crazy.

[laviebohemelove]

I hate that I've stopped losing weight, but the desperate fear of gaining won't stop. I hate that I'm suicidal and depressed.

[alm0ndmilk]

I don't know if I can even consider myself as having an eating disorder since I'm sort of trying to do things the "healthy" way now. But I definitely agree with the 'not having anything to show for it'. I've only been thin twice before - once when I got the flu and dropped 15 pounds in two weeks, and once when I fasted & restricted for like a week and got from 111 to 102. People noticed both times. I got lots of attention for it both times. I could finally fit a comfy size 0, both times. But they were both very temporary periods of time and soon I was back up to a "normal" weight. Even now, After getting down to 110 in a week, I'm now back up to 116 from binging.

The up-and-down, yoyoing in weight, doing well, then binging to ruin all the hard work is just the most frustrating thing I've ever experienced. And it keeps happening. I can never stay in control long enough to make a permanent change. I've wasted so much of my life doing this, it's just sad. Like, I look back at this time last year, and what was I doing? Trying to lose weight.

[Fat-N-Fugly]

I hate how I have this desperate impulse to stuff myself full of food, any food really for seemingly no reason, but the thing i hate most is the fact i always chicken out when its time to purge : ( I have acid reflux and i know my teeth would be destroyed quicker than most, and my throat would probably bleed (it already does that and i don't purge )

[littledeer]

..i know this sounds bad, but the thing i hate most about my ed, is that i still waste money buying food even though i throw it up regardless.