late january, early february this year I started recovery for anorexia. My bmi was just 14.8 and all I saw in the mirror was fat.

I've been weight-restored for almost 2 months now, bmi flunctuating between 17.9 and 18.6 (I'm naturally thin).

For a couple months it was all fine, ED's voice was gone and I no longer wanted to lose weight. But now I'm stuck. ED is really strong right now, and even though I'm never left home alone and only ever have a few minutes to myself alone at a time on our main floor, I find that's enough to have a very small binge, and purge it in our "wet" garbage can.

I don't want to do this.. I want to stay healthy, I've been doing this for a couple of weeks and already the heart palputations are there and I'm getting really dizzy. I haven't lost any weight, because I still keep in good amounts. But I REALLY don't want ED to control me again!

I'm afraid to tell my family I've relapsed into purging again, only this time I'm of healthy weight so it'd be classiffied as bulimia.

Twice today I couldn't purge in the garbage on the main floor because my sister was there. But I just had to get thay handful of chips out of me. So I purged in a vase in my room and it smells really bad. I'm afraid they will notice and find out, and I can't get a minute without them on the main floor to dump it in the trash.

I don't want to tell them, and I don't want to keep doing this.

I guess I'm just asking for someone to listen, and I have a question for those who have or are in recovery.. How do stop this cycle?