Hi there

[Airdoll]

I'm really terrible at introductions, but I guess I'll start with the obvious . I've had an eating disorder since the age of 16, starting off with anorexia and then transitioning to Bulimia after a few failed attempts at self-recovery amongst other things. I'm now 20 years old and am now starting to realize how bad I have really gotten over the years. I wish to recover from this disease, but I'm terrified of having others find out about it and the whole recovery process in general. I have told a couple of friends in the past about my problem, but they have either pretended that I never mentioned it or have ignored me all together.

Any way's, I thought speaking to people like me could finally help me out or at least allow me to express my self without feeling like i'm being judged or looked down upon. I'm really easy to talk to and hope I could help you guys as well. I'm really looking forward to getting to know you guys, take care and be safe!

[rlb033]

Hey. Just joined too. Similarly I have had an issue with food since I was 14. It was when I first started experimenting with bulimia. It was not bad again until I was in college and that is when I started up again especially this year. It seems to come and go in spurts which is why in the beginning I didn't think I really had a problem.

I never thought I would find myself posting on one of these sites but here I am. No one I am close with knows I am at average weight. Family included and I don't plan on telling them. The only time they were some what suspicious is when I dropped about 10 lbs between Thanksgiving and Winter break this past year. Ever since I have been off and on. I have noticed my binges have become worse and worse as before it was a combination of restricting myself and purging.

These past four months have been the hardest. Because of my living situation I was not purging as much as I was tempted to. I gained most of my weight back and ever since I have been home it has been so hard. I know how to maintain a healthy lifestyle but it is so hard for me to stay consistent. I just want to be happy and feel good about myself.

I am still very reluctant to be posting on a site like this as I find them to sometimes be very illegitimate, but the more I read the more I don't feel like I am alone and want answers to my many questions.

[Airdoll]

Sorry for the late reply, I also feel wary writing about my ED and problems on line, I feel odd opening up to others. It took me a while to realize that my ED has been at it’s worse during college, I thought it was at it’s worst in high school because I spent so much time thinking about it and lost weight quickly. Going to University made me realize how much i've messed up my life and how much time I have wasted due to my eating disorder which ended up fueling it even more. I thought I stopped thinking about my ED as much as I used to when I’ve just been in denial about it and forced my self not to think about it. I attempted self recovery several times these couple of years, which resulted in my weight fluctuating often.

Now my Bulimia is at it’s worst and I can’t even go 2 days without Binging and Purging when trying my hardest not to. I’m also at a normal weight so everyone has been encouraging my weight loss, it makes me want to yell at them and reveal everything to them. I often think they know that I have an ED but think nothing of it because I’m not “thin” or they just don’t care about me. I also had times when i thought i'd get better and my disorder would get worse again, its really unnerving. I think that made me realize that I really can't get better on my own and that I will have to seek help in the future if I really want to get better. I’m afraid that I will never be able to recover; that I will have this disease for the rest of my life which forces me to relapse.

I hope you manage to get out of that spot that you are in at the moment, you deserve to have a happy and to feel good about your self, we all do. I hope your situation gets better and that you find the answers that you are searching for. Feel free to write to me if you ever need to talk.

Take care and good luck.