new-decided i DO need help

[maica_lee]

i've never been big on going to doctors, and im not close with my family so i don't really have them to talk to. im 20 years old. 4'11 and most would call me petite/tiny/etc. i on the other hand feel disgusting, overweight, and completely miserable. my biological mom took me to the doctor about my "disorder" (which at the time was not diagnosed) and the doctor said i have OCD and gave me some anti-depressents which make me lose my appetite which makes everything easier....to make a long story short, i don't eat, if i eat i eat ***edit** on it, only water to drink and sometimes if i ***edit**. i've hidden this for so long but i can't hide it from my fiance, he is asking questions, noticing, and is threatening to leave me. i can't stop this. i know i need to. but all i asked for was help from him and he thinks helping me is forcing me to eat. im at a loss on what to do. any advice?

[bteana]

Have you considered calling a helpline for advice?

You should explain that forcing you to eat is not helping. I recently heard this comparison: Imagine someone who has an intense fear of snakes suddenly being told that they have to climb into a bathtub full of snakes, which they are told won't hurt them. This of course doesn't help their phobia of snakes. When they refuse, they are told that they're just being silly. This is like to telling an anorexic to eat, and when they can't bring themselves to eat, telling them that they're just being silly.

[maica_lee]

i explained that being cruel, forcing me to eat, and throwing things in my face make it worse, he just doesn't know what to do. i'm actually very mature for my age, and i guess its cuz i had to grow up very fast, but he considers this to be very immature. i think his worrying is making him angry and me worse. i just wished i could have kept it hidden

[Charissa21]

i know that therapy sounds like hell. but sometimes it can really help! because sometimes having someone really close to you try and help you it ends up hurting them. its just easier to have someone on the "outside" help you with your problems if that makes sense?