Hi my name is tracy. And i've been an off again on again bulimic. I've lived on my own since i was 16 and have had some terrible past times behind me. I don't really blame my past on my disorder, i blame my own self endulgence. If i sit here bored i eat. If i'm around somewhere and i like something, i'll eat. Even if i'm full. By that point i feel so shitty of myself and throw it up. When i got with my boyfriend i stopped it was for about 2 years. I was my perfect wieght of 120 pounds. I felt great. Then things have been terribly rough, i've had a misscarage after 4 months about 6 months ago. I lost alot of wieght after and then gained 50 pounds!!!!! I feel so disgusted with myself now. My boyfriend walking into my apartment bathroom and saw me throwing up. He thought i was just sick... but he'd here me more often. He never got mad. He supports it... he says anything that would make me happy. Although i've only lost 12 pounds and i'm at 170, and i'm starting feel health problems. My chest hurst awfully bad every day, like i'm going to have a heart attack, and now when i eat, it's almost like it already knows it's coming back up in a few minutes.... i feel disgusted with my self... one because of the wieght. Other because of the bulimia.... i just don't know what to do. I'm torn!