My mom said I pit my dad and her against each other and I'm really confused now cause she's honestly a jerk, she's selfish and rude and she's drug addict/alcoholic who can't handle it (she flips out on everyone). Me and her fight a lot and it's usually because she just can't seem to back off when I request. I'll tell her nicely to stop and she'll keep going until it's a shouting match and I'm left looking like a dick fighting with a women in a wheelchair (she has ms). She does the same stuff with my dad, whenever they agree it gets to a point where he's shouting (a dude who's as patient as can be and takes everything to piss off) "drop it" or "you need to stop". She wasn't there for him when his mother died and said some shit about my grandmother (who was one of the into family members to ever try with her) and I just can't ever forgive her that, especially because if the positions were reversed he would be there for her and never talk badly about her mother (and she knows how close my dad was to his mom, especially since he grew up in a single parent home). Yet I put then against each other. I barely even talk to them anymore cause I know it's no trying with her and my dad always looks so sad I just don't know what to say or what to do about that. I don't get it though, why can't she see what she's doing and take responsibility as an adult for ruining her own relationship with not only him but me and her other four children (the older 3 don't talk to her unless they need money and my brother is pretty much in my position too). Why does she always blame everything on me? It's always my fault. She's the one that decided to give up when I was a 12 year old an I had to take care of the whole house and go to school and make good grades while my dad was fighting in the army and my brother (he wasn't the person he is today, he's much better of a brother now) did nothing. She's the one who had her 12 year old child enabling her and let her son berate her only to berate me herself. She's the one who set me up so I looked like a horrible daughter to everyone and decided it was fine to tell me in a daily basis (all because I wanted a little help and was stressing out everything to a point where I only at a meal a day, the dinner I had to cook for the household). I just don't get it and now all I hearing in my head is a this voice saying "you caused your parents to break up". I can't take her, I can't stand being around her, I can't stand to be anything like her. While I agree that we fight a lot and we both say our fair share I'm still always holding back (cause she just can't handle it according to everyone) while she's dishing it out fully. I can't take how she's so cruel to my dad and my brother and me than acts like the victim, and refuses to say anything is her fault.

I swear I feel like I'm the adult fighting with a child here and it never gets anywhere.

She makes me wanna ride off into the desert until there's no more gas, no more water, no more me because what if she's right and I'm the terrible one, not her.