Hi

[SomeNights]

Hey, I generally go by Benji... however, calling me SomeNights is acceptable, too. I am 23 years old, transmale, and battle EDNOS. My eating disorder reared itself as binge eating. I would, later, start restricting.. and now I have found myself in a constant struggle with food and body image. It wasn't about body image in the beginning, but rather a way to numb myself. I often say that everyone else made it about body image, and I stand by that. Either way, I am now stuck in a constant struggle with various behaviors.. I have, also, been diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder and mood disorder NOS. I guess I have come here because the past year has been very isolating, and most days I feel like I'm the only person alive in my own world. Other than all of this, I am struggling to maintain some kind of life - I am a college student studying psychology, who happens to be a dog owner, a rodent owner, and a cat owner. I write. And if I can concentrate long enough, I read, too. I'll leave it here, because I stink at introductions.

[bulimiargh]

Welcome to WE! I don't think you're bad at introductions - you seem like a decent and intriguing individual and I hope that you find the support you need on the forum here :3

[Insouciance]

Welcome!

You're not bad at introductions at all, don't worry. I hope you can find the support and a community here to help you get through

(PS: I'm a college student studying psychology too, psychology majors unite! Alsoooo, I've been looking into getting a rodent for a while - what kind do you have?)

[SomeNights]

Thanks everyone. I guess I'm prone to feeling like I'm bad at introductions. Hard to determine whether that's a cause of the AvPD or because cause of it. It does help to hear (read?) that I'm not, though.

Psychology is a very interesting subject. I'm not even entirely sure what I want to do with my degree when I earn it yet, just that I'm happy with the major. I have one hamster and gerbils. I've kept guinea pigs in the past, too.

[Solita]

Welcome Benji! I loved your introduction and look forward to getting to know you better. Though I am sorry to hear of your struggles with eating as well as your isolation; the two go hand-in-hand, it seems, for many of us. I am a fellow rodent lover (have had many gerbils, hamsters, and guinea pigs in my time, though none at the moment) and psychology fan, am in grad school to become an art therapist now. I hope you get much support here. Keep reaching out. Do you have any real-time support?

[SomeNights]

Hi and thank you. I look forward to getting to know all of you better, as well. I, too, find that the two seem to go hand-in-hand. I was pretty lonely before, but only now have I experienced what I feel is isolation. Interesting how so many of us tend to gravitate toward psychology. Seems to happen a lot. I was seeing a therapist regularly, but he retired recently, so I'm in the process of trying to find a new one. Other than that, mostly my mother (who can sometimes say all the wrong things, but she's well meaning) and an online friend. It isn't much, but it does help. I'm hoping to get back into treatment soon, though.

[IvyDancer]

Hi Benji, and welcome! I absolutely know what you mean when you say everyone else tries to make it about body image. Even most therapists I've seen always jump to that conclusion. Like you, I started engaging in ED behaviors as a way to numb myself, and it's frustrating when people think it's just because I want to lose weight. Know that there are people here who understand.

[SomeNights]

It truly is. It's extremely frustrating to constantly be told that no one cares about weight but me, and yet they're the ones who keep bringing that up. I can't say I even thought about it in the beginning, until the change became so drastic that everyone began to point it out more and more. I'm glad, though, to hear that they are. The reason I wanted to join a site like this was for.. that very reason. It's good to have therapists and doctors to speak to, but I've always felt that having a support group that understands from personal experience is just as important. Thank you for the welcome.