i don't know why i'm posting this in here. most of you guys probably don't even remember me. i guess this site was the one place where I saw people struggling with similar things that i have been struggling with for a long time now. my ED got better, it really did but i just can't cope with the thoughts in my head any more. i tried to talk with the few friends i've got left, but they won't listen.
my heart got broken piece by piece over the past two years and i'm not blaming the person who did. i never would. i still love the person. but it completely broke me. i don't remember what being happy feels like, i don't know what it feels like to have some sort of goal in life. i'm just existing, working at a dead-end job..
whenever i feel a minute of something that resembles happiness, it just all comes crashing down on me again and i'm even more depressed.
this is why it's time for me to say goodbye. i tried my best and I didn't give up for a long time when i really wanted to go sooner. i believe that i will get a chance to do it over again, in a better way.
when i decided to write this, i thought that i'd have a lot of things to say.. but the truth is i don't have the strength any more. i just want it to stop.
my heart goes out to all of you. even though i don't know you personally, i feel somehow close to you. i wish you all the best in life, that you recover soon and find happiness. i'll never forget you.
yours truly,
johnny
xx </3
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Thread: Goodbye... ):
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08-13-2014 #1
Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2012
- Posts
- 118
Goodbye... ):
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08-13-2014 #2
Oh my god, please just stop where you are. Don't do anything rash. You're near a device with internet access, obviously, so before you hurt yourself please just Google local crisis centers. They're typically free, they're safe, and they want to help you. They can point you toward so many resources and provide you with a therapeutic environment for a while.
Call the suicide hotline. Call a friend. Call the freakin' police. Just ask someone for help, someone tangible, not internet friends.
I don't have any advice or magical words to lift the pain and exhaustion and apathy from your shoulders. I can tell you that from what you've described, I feel quite similar. It's terribly difficult, I know, and I often think of killing myself. I wish I could take away your troubles.
There are so many bottle cliches that I won't spit at you, despite the truth they hold. You've heard them.
I hope you can give life another shot. Even just putting off your plans for another day might change your perspective."Alone. Yes, that's the key word, the most awful word in the English tongue. Murder doesn't hold a candle to it and hell is only a poor synonym."
-Stephen King
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I don't know you Johnny, but I'm glad that you are here. I can't promise you happiness, or tell you where to find it (though I do find helping other helps- like volunteering....), but know that I do care and want you to stay. We are a family here, and I'd hate to have part of it missing.
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Don't go.
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Please... please please PLEASE don't go. I only know you from this post and it would break my heart. There ARE people who care about you, whether you realize it or not. Please don't do this, I promise things can get better, but they won't if you're gone. <3
If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear
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No!!! I want you to stay.
You can find a new person to love
You can make new friends who will listen to you
You can find a new job
Please stay and talk to us more. We can try and help.
<3 :'(
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08-13-2014 #7
Veteran Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2010
- Posts
- 193
Nobody understands completely what you are going through. No matter what we say, I know I don't fully comprehend your pain. If the present is unendurable, the present needs to change. I wish we could say or do something to change it for you, but I'm not sure we can. As unfair and awful and miserable as it is, the catalyst for that change has to be you. And I don't think it should have to be you. You haven't done anything to deserve the way you feel. But the good thing is that there are many people who have a very vested interest in helping you, if you can just provide the spark. I think it's very easy after you've been ripped apart emotionally by something to give up on happiness. If you can, please try to rip your gaze away from the pain and do something you used to enjoy. It's really hard after all you've seen is pain to move your eyes off of that to something else. But please give happiness another chance. It will take some work. I wish that wasn't true - because I know what you deserve is rest, but I just don't know of any other way.
Please do what you can. God believes you are worth saving - even if it means that you have to hurt a lot in order to be saved. In this world, we tend to believe you throw away things that broken. But God isn't like that - to him, EVERYBODY is worth fixing. No matter what, no exceptions. I am so sorry you are suffering.
May God Bless You And May You Feel His Love.Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying. ~Baba Ram Dass
Some suppose that humility is about beating ourselves up. Humility does not mean convincing ourselves that we are worthless, meaningless, or of little value. We don’t discover humility by thinking less of ourselves; we discover humility by thinking less about ourselves. ~ Dieter F. Uchtdorf
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You are worth saving, you are worth pushing for, you have the permission of the world to do what is right for you, to nourish your mind and nourish your life. This website may not be for you, and sadly goodbye, but do not say goodbye to anything else as you have been touched by something awful but it does not define you.
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Does anyone know if Johnny is okay?? Stay with us, man. There's more than just this.
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08-15-2014 #10
Don't do it johnny <3 you are one of the few good ones in this shit stained world, don't diminish it further. We need you more than you know. Please let us know if you are okay :'(
My thoughts are truly with you xxx