Hullo

[sabzy]

*shy wave* I'm not quite sure what I should write here but.. hi you can call me sabzy or sabz, I'm 19, an almost-second year medical student, a proud & practising Muslim, sometimes a bit of a poet(ess?), a bookworm and... obsessed with food. I kinda walk the line between "I don't really have a problem!!1!" and "okay I have a problem and I need to recover" a lot, I am not really sure I have an eating disorder but.. I suppose it's entirely possible I do. I don't know.

I'm only kind of dipping my toes into hanging around a forum like this so I will admit I am not sure how long I will stick around, but only because I know that at some point I've got to leave the food-obsessed world because I always get too deep into it and allow it to define me and keep me stuck. And though on the face of it, it should be supportive I know inside me that isn't the reason I gravitate towards such things. But as of now, I'm nowhere near "recovery" - whatever that term would mean to me - so I am here, and will float around and stay for a little while, or a longer while, maybe.

Look forward to getting to know you all
Sabzy

[lifenbones]

Hey Sabzy,
I also love to read. I also love poetry and do write it on occasion and well as other forms of writing.
I'm nowhere near recovery either. Actually entirely uninterested. However, I am in "treatment" right now, bc I was forced into it by law.

It would be nice getting to know a bit more about you as well. I know you touched on your obsession with food, but you never did clarify how that affects your daily life and what ED symptoms you might have. If you want to expand on that it might be nice to know a bit where you are coming from, but if you are not up to sharing that's fine as well.

Best of luck with everything!

[sabzy]

Hey yay so many similarities :P although not so much yay on the recovery front but...

Oh sure I don't mind sharing. I just wasn't sure how much would be appropriate. TW for behaviour descriptions?

In a broad sense I'd put myself on the more restrictive side, but I tend to have the occasional "overeating" days which feel like binges but really my intake adds up to what would be "normal". I've been slowly cutting down for over a year I'd say, but never really had any major changes in weight - just constantly fluctuating up or down a few kg. At first I was slightly into the 'clean eating' and low-carb kinda things (thanks to fitblr) but never obsessively so, and gradually it shifted to just being all about the calories.. Since I'm a Muslim - a month ago I just observed the month of Ramadhan which was.. interesting, to say the least, and once that finished I started exercising and though it hasn't been long I'm already feeling the anxiety over not doing it which may be a problem.. Never purged (or at least, never thrown up), but I do chew/spit food, which also fluctuates in how often I do it. And I very very recently started taking laxatives but only one and I'm not sure if it's going to be a daily thing or not.

(It feels so strange to have it all written out like that...)

One reason I'll often think I don't really have a problem is I don't perceive it to have affected my life to any great extent, or even my mood - for the most part I'm living and coping with life fine, and I'm usually "happy" or should I say content/peaceful. It's been really different to how I was a couple of years ago in the midst of the low-ness (not quite depression though I don't think?) and self-hatred and self-harm that went on. Ever since I "recovered" from that stuff I've felt myself to be quite stable and happy enough, so though I know that's when I started getting worse on the food side of things, I just don't feel like it caused any problems so I didn't really care.

Not sure if it's just a side effect of this all, but I'm also really into baking! Just thought I'd add that :P

That's probably all. Not sure if I've gone too detailed? But if there's anything that is inappropriate just tell me I'll take it out!!

[lifenbones]

Hey yay so many similarities :P although not so much yay on the recovery front but...

Oh sure I don't mind sharing. I just wasn't sure how much would be appropriate. TW for behaviour descriptions?

In a broad sense I'd put myself on the more restrictive side, but I tend to have the occasional "overeating" days which feel like binges but really my intake adds up to what would be "normal". I've been slowly cutting down for over a year I'd say, but never really had any major changes in weight - just constantly fluctuating up or down a few kg. At first I was slightly into the 'clean eating' and low-carb kinda things (thanks to fitblr) but never obsessively so, and gradually it shifted to just being all about the calories.. Since I'm a Muslim - a month ago I just observed the month of Ramadhan which was.. interesting, to say the least, and once that finished I started exercising and though it hasn't been long I'm already feeling the anxiety over not doing it which may be a problem.. Never purged (or at least, never thrown up), but I do chew/spit food, which also fluctuates in how often I do it. And I very very recently started taking laxatives but only one and I'm not sure if it's going to be a daily thing or not.

(It feels so strange to have it all written out like that...)

One reason I'll often think I don't really have a problem is I don't perceive it to have affected my life to any great extent, or even my mood - for the most part I'm living and coping with life fine, and I'm usually "happy" or should I say content/peaceful. It's been really different to how I was a couple of years ago in the midst of the low-ness (not quite depression though I don't think?) and self-hatred and self-harm that went on. Ever since I "recovered" from that stuff I've felt myself to be quite stable and happy enough, so though I know that's when I started getting worse on the food side of things, I just don't feel like it caused any problems so I didn't really care.

Not sure if it's just a side effect of this all, but I'm also really into baking! Just thought I'd add that :P

That's probably all. Not sure if I've gone too detailed? But if there's anything that is inappropriate just tell me I'll take it out!!

No, everything was appropriate. Details are good.
I also love baking. I would always bake for my family, and my mom once banned me from baking because "unless I was going to eat any of it, I was wasn't allowed to bake anymore." I also love the show masterchef, and masterchef Canada. As well as weight loss shows like Huge, I use to be fat, and Extreme makeover: weightloss addition.
Glad to hear your moods been up lately.

[Solita]

Welcome sabzy! I hope you find the forum useful to explore what's going on…I am a former medical student (now in grad school to become a therapist). I decided to leave medical school because my anorexia became so severe I simply could not function at level I needed to and did not want to put my patients at risk. It was one of the most difficult decisions I ever had to make. It is extremely difficult to function as a competent physician while battling an ED. So I hope you can work things out before things get too bad…I would not wish my situation upon my worst enemy :/

I am also a fellow bookworm and used to write extremely awful poetry I like to bake bread but will admit the fire department DID come to my apartment building on one occasion…long story!!!

[sabzy]

Welcome sabzy! I hope you find the forum useful to explore what's going on…I am a former medical student (now in grad school to become a therapist). I decided to leave medical school because my anorexia became so severe I simply could not function at level I needed to and did not want to put my patients at risk. It was one of the most difficult decisions I ever had to make. It is extremely difficult to function as a competent physician while battling an ED. So I hope you can work things out before things get too bad…I would not wish my situation upon my worst enemy :/

I am also a fellow bookworm and used to write extremely awful poetry I like to bake bread but will admit the fire department DID come to my apartment building on one occasion…long story!!!

I'm so sorry to hear that! The threat of it has been lurking around a little bit, since I was open about it with tutors since day 1 when I started getting "worse", but even now it feels like I'll never get *that* bad.. Dangerous thinking probably. But yes I too hope I can somehow work things out..

Haha I'm sure there's no such thing as truly awful poetry :P it's all personal (though I too have often thought mine is crap). Is there a poetry thread here or anything I wonder.. Oh my that sounds like a scary experience. Luckily I've had no such incidents *yet*.

[bulimiargh]

Welcome to WE! May I ask ... your username: are you also Iranian?