Hurting friends/family

[ket]

At this point i dont feel like its safe for me to be around anyone, i dont have a home at due to landlord issues so have options of lodging with aquaintences, being with family, or staying with my boyfriend. Atm im chosing lodging. My mother has some form of ednos herself and her eating and cooking habits are often too much to handle, we end up fighting all the time as i feel she doesnt understand me but how can she as i wont admit my problem? So staying with family is out. My boyfriend, always happy to let me sleep at his because i have nowhere else yet i dont like putting that on him, i know its hard for him to watch me suffer physically and i know that if im there he will make/buy food for me and eat it himself when i dont which is starting to become a problem as hes trying to diet yet eating twice what he should. So i chose sleeping on a sofa alone, this way i cant hurt anyone. How does anyone else deal with not hurting people close to them, hopefully in a less destructive matter than just pushing them away?

[EvilTerrorKitty]

Hey,
first of all, he is your boyfriend. He loves you, so don't push him away - it hurts him even more (probably).
You don't have to tell your mother. I did and it was a mistake. But tell someone you trust a lot, for example your boyfriend.
Mine knows everything about my ED and he doesn't force me to eat since he has seen how bad things can get. Maybe he will understand you better, change his behaviour and learn how to handle your situation.
Most important of all, you are not the problem. You are not your ED and you can still be happy and make people happy.
Just watch out, not to distance yourself too much from everyone, it destroys much more - especially you.

[ket]

Thank you for the kind words. Im sorry to hear that your mother didnt take the news well, im sure mine wouldnt go well either. My boyfriend does actually know, ish, he knows that sometimes i dont want to eat much but he understands it more as 'thats what women do' logic, im afraid that if i tell him how severe the problem is it will be too much for him to handle, we have only just got back together after being seperated for 2 years and that time apart was mainly due to my depression caused by the ed. I dont want to go back to how dark i was back then but i know that i am slipping quickly and am nearly as unstable as when he first left.

[tweedledum]

I havent figured out a way not to hurt the ones i love. Its not like i mean to but my self destruction does hurt them. It makes me feel like an awful person
Hope you can let people who love you into your life. Its too draining to fight yourself all alone

[lifenbones]

I havent figured out a way not to hurt the ones i love. Its not like i mean to but my self destruction does hurt them. It makes me feel like an awful person
Hope you can let people who love you into your life. Its too draining to fight yourself all alone

I'm with you here.
Sadly I feel like I can't let the people who love me into my life, bc despite their best intentions they always tend to do me more harm.

[HiLz]

Not hurting people seems to be a hard thing for me to do when it comes to Anorexia. I get this intense and overwhelming desire to deliberately hurt everyone who knows me, to spite them with my body by not eating and just getting thinner because I know they hate it and also with my words and actions. It mostly happens when I am so deeply entrenched in the Anorexia mindset. I just become the most cruel and evil person on the face of the planet. What is that about?

[Yufhi]

I'm quite lucky (or mega unlucky depending on how you look at it) that my family and true friends all live miles away so there's noone about that actually cares whether or not I backslide. People at work just think I'm losing weight because I do a highly active job, have taken up yoga and have started running because I want to keep my dogs in shape. Double edged sword, I guess. I'm not at the point where I'm sick enough to need medical intervention, and sick enough not to want it yet :/

I am seriously irritable all the time because I spend all my time thinking about food/counting calories/the usual, but I just started self medicating with street vallium and it seems to have helped when I'm forced to interact at work. Although one of the boys asked me recently if I was bipolar, haha, I just told him the doc gave me pills for high anxiety :P

[Otsuka]

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[Subject_Zero]

I'm quite lucky (or mega unlucky depending on how you look at it) that my family and true friends all live miles away so there's noone about that actually cares whether or not I backslide. People at work just think I'm losing weight because I do a highly active job, have taken up yoga and have started running because I want to keep my dogs in shape. Double edged sword, I guess. I'm not at the point where I'm sick enough to need medical intervention, and sick enough not to want it yet :/

I am seriously irritable all the time because I spend all my time thinking about food/counting calories/the usual, but I just started self medicating with street vallium and it seems to have helped when I'm forced to interact at work. Although one of the boys asked me recently if I was bipolar, haha, I just told him the doc gave me pills for high anxiety :P

Be careful and don't let any harms come to yourself, alright? Remember that hiding in the shadows is not always good. It's positive that you at least talk with people here. Just watch out for yourself girl.