Why do we torture ourselves? Why do i (after eating too much and feeling miserable) watch reality shows where the girls are picture perfect gorgeous, stare at magazines, random facebook pictures of stunners, when i know that it kills me inside?
Why do we intentionally make ourselves feel horrible about ourselves?
because its all we know? Motivation to be better? Self pity?
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08-26-2014 #1MarieCharlotte Guest
Deliberatly making myself feel horrible.
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08-26-2014 #2
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I feel like I do it to punish myself. Maybe for the things that I do, but I think deep down its really for being who I am.
One motive, to cater to the hollow, screaming feed me, fill me up again. Temporarily pacify this hunger, that's so cruel.
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08-27-2014 #3
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Because when I deliberatly make myself feel horrible I feel like I'm in control of the bad feelings. It sucks to feel that way, but at least it's not just happenng to me, I'm the one who's doing it and when I'm already doing it, others can't.
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08-27-2014 #4
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08-27-2014 #5
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because I'm afraid that if i don't constantly remind myself of what the standard is, I might accidentally forget and (God forbid) accept my body. And I know I'm not acceptable.
it's also a type of self harm, i think. Putting yourself through mental and emotional torture for the same reasons you cut. To feel the pain, because you think you deserve it.“I mean, we all know the dangers of starving, but bulimia? That can't be that bad. It's only bad when you get really thin. Who worries about bulimics? They're just gross.”
― Marya Hornbacher
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08-27-2014 #7
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I don't know how to not. It's such a compulsion. There's always something better something to envy, another perfection I can never reach.
"the meal is not over when i'm full. the meal is over when i hate myself."
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08-27-2014 #8
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
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- England
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Yep, it's this for me too.
Originally Posted by bulimiargh
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because our sick-minded side that encourages our ED needs more motivation ^-^ sickening no?
I regret that it takes a lifetime to learn to live.
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