Okay, um, hi!

[teiidae]

I feel like I have no idea what I'm supposed to say here.

I'm 27 and have struggled with anorexic behavior for the past 15 years, damn! I decided to join this forum after lurking for months because my habits (although sometimes I wonder if they're habits or hobbies, haha) are getting a little out of control. Um, I can't go to work. I haven't been in a month. And I'm starting to really struggle to leave my house because I feel too fat!

I'm a stripper and I've been dancing for years, but something set me off a few weeks ago and now I can't stop mercilessly restricting and exercising all week and then when the weekend comes I'm too anxious and worn out to go to the club to work. It's ridiculous because I'm thinner than ever right now but I just feel like I look repulsively fat. Plus, I'm sure lots of you are familiar with orthostatic hypotension-- mine is sooo bad lately that every single time I stand up I almost pass out. I would probably die if I tried to do a pole trick right now.

I just want to get back to my "normal" mindset and be functional again. Hopefully by interacting with this forum I'll be able to get back into the light.

Nice to meet you all!

[Myrrah]

Welcome to the forum from another new member I think you will find a lot of support and compassion here. Best wishes on your struggle with body image which many of us can relate with.

[canunot]

Welcome to the forum, lovely.
I'm sure you will find something of aid here even if it's just a few distractions and giggles

I'm sorry for the circumstances however, no one should have to put up with thoughts like this.

Remember to have a look at the rule section and I hope to see you around the forums

[CaffeineNebula]

Hi and welcome! Hopefully you can find what you seek here. I can't imagine doing anything on a pole with orthostatic hypotension so it's good that you're taking a break from work.

I know what you mean, it's like the more weight I lose the fatter I am. Being able to talk about it helps me feel less alone...I hope the same is true for you, too!

[krupskaya]

Hi! What a rubbishy situation to be in, but I'm glad to here you're taking time of work as you're obviously not up to it right now, but I might suggest trying to keep out and about to some level if you're able to, because otherwise you might regress further into yourself and your behaviours.

It's frustrating that the more weight you lose, the less content you feel with your body, but that's just the warped eating disorder logic; the more weight you lose, the more weight you must still lose. I really hope you feel better soon! x

(and amen sister with the 'behaviours or hobbies??' questions... why does nothing ever feel legit?)