Hi all,

Hope someone can help.

A little about my background. I met my partner online 4 years ago on online dating site. She lived in Norway at the time and I in the UK. After a few months of being together, she told me a huge secret of hers, which was that she was bulimic and she said she would understand if I would leave her because of it. I of course said I would stick by her side and be with her and hopefully see her through it. I didn't much about the eating disorder and didn't really know how hard it is to get out of.

Anyway we ended up getting married and living together both in the UK. I've never really felt the emotions from her properly, I know she loved me but she never said it because she didn't do well with understanding her feelings.

She kept herself busy by studying for the past few years but overall my love for her made me treat her like a baby. What I mean by that is that I did everything for her. This was partly to do with the fact she is not as confident here in the UK as she was back in Norway so I helped but overall I was doing pretty much everything. e.g. Arranging appointments, driving, cleaning, working. etc. I did everything for her and I know that's not right but I loved her and compromised a lot for her.

It's very hard to go into detail but things were not right, she had low confidence, she didn't want to go out often, crazy mood swings, she always spent so much time taking pictures of herself, looking at her fat and thinking of doing surgery on her nose/breasts... also getting braces for her teeth even though she has the best teeth of anyone I know. Lots of self-image issues.

My life was a constant battle to keep her entertained and happy but that never lasted long. I tried to get help for her but she didn't really want it.

Recently we went to Norway to see her family and something came out, she is not happy! She hates the way she treats me, she says she doesn't treat me like a wife should and that she has nothing to look forward to in life and she just feels empty and she doesn't want to live like this anymore.

For me, I was devastated as I've been trying my best all these years to get her help and keep her happy but it wasn't to be. She said she needs time to think what she wants and try sort her life out. I suggested for her to go seek professional help from specialist doctors and she is doing that now.

She is a deep depression hole and I completely understand her motives to stop continuing the way we are and if I think with my brain, I know I couldn't live my whole life like this so I'm kind of glad this happened but when I think with my heart, I don't want to lose her. What should I do?

Should I give her distance and let her get on with getting better?
Should I give her distance but be contently by her side on the phone or by other means?
Should I go to Norway and be by her side through the recovery process?

She thinks that if I'm with her during recovery, she will just take her anger out on me and hate me for it even more.

I'm a bit lost!