Work, paperwork, studying, homework, ect.

[secretkessa]

Hello,
I was just wondering if any of you struggle with doing work, paperwork, studying, homework, ect. I work full-time and I have a ton of paperwork that I have to do during and outside of work hours and I am also in grad school so I have to read, study, and complete assignments for that as well. I wanted to ask because all my life I have struggled with getting these things done because I am a perfectionist and I get very nervous when I have to do the above. When I am not eating, I find it hard to focus but when I eat, it leads to binging/purging since I feel so guilty eating anything. The only ways I have gotten work done in the past is fasting, compulsively consuming sugar free gum and hard candy, or binging and purging. I'm just so exhausted from it and it's not going to go away since I will always have work to do. Do any of you struggle with this? What is your typical routine for getting work done?

[krupskaya]

Hey!

I struggle so much nowadays. I used to be like you, a perfectionist, I was top of all my classes, top of the school virtually (sounds like I'm bragging but like... it's true). Even for a while after my ED kicked in (I was 14) I still managed to maintain this high level. Nowadays, I'm just too exhausted. My last year at college was so so painful; I barely did any work because I just couldn't bring myself to, I was too tired and it seemed so pointless when I'm slowly dying (sounds melodramatic but it's true). I didn't do as well on my A-levels as I should have, and I still have the perfectionist 'mindset' so I hate myself for it, but I know I can't do any better so it' also like ughhh meh. I'm lucky I got a space at the uni I did, but I've taken a year off anyway because I just can't cope with it anymore, it's fucking knackering and I hate people judging me for my intellect (even tho exams etc aren't really indicative etc etc it still feels like people think you're dumb if you fuck up even though it could be down to ANYTHING)

but yeah in answer to your q (sorry for self-indulgent rambling) if i ever want to do work (and i do manage it sometimes obvs, just not with the same relentlessness as I used to) it's usually always when i'm restricting. i can't work if i've been eating or am planning to eat cos my thoughts are just consumed with that. i can sometimes work just after throwing up cos i ride the ~high~ of the purge (gross)

it's not very good advice so all i can say is: you'll work a lot better if you have adequate nutrition (easier said than done ik).

also remember your mental health comes waaaay before these dumb arbitrary standards of exams/essays/classwork/etc. they aren't a real judge of your abilities or your intelligence (think about all the things that effect the outcomes; tiredness, illness, stress, things at home, just a 'bad day', stupid questions...) , they're just a stepping stone to the next part of your life. please please put yourself first, it's so important that you do!

[bulimiargh]

I hate to say this, but I would not have achieved my honours degree without bulimia. I used to binge while frantically typing essays, hit send and purge. What a glamorous life I lead, right?

[teiidae]

Eating and studying wouldn't work for me (studying would distract me from food lol) but I'm so much more efficient if I have things to drink. I like to get coffee, tea, and a safe juice like coconut water. It's very soothing to me because I have the comfort of indulging/consuming without too much anxiety over calories/fullness.

Plus I'm sure all the caffeine helps.

[kodachrome]

I was a grade whore in school... the sort that literally cried at the possibility of getting an A-. I graduated with a 4.0 in the end, but I'll be honest--at my worst with the ED, it was hard. Really hard. I couldn't follow what the professors said in class because my short-term memory was absolutely shot, which made taking notes basically impossible. All I could think about--and cared about--was food. My grades weren't affected in the end by the ED, thankfully, but I had to put in way more effort into staying on task and studying to get the grades I expected for myself. If getting As hadn't been absolutely non-negotiable for me, I'm pretty sure my grades would have plummeted. It was really, truly a struggle to study.

I found that the most helpful thing to keep me on task was to go somewhere else, like a coffee shop or library, to do work, away from all other distractions. Going there helped put me in "the zone" for studying and keep my mind on task. That's just me, though.

[outofpaper]

Yup. I feel like a failure no matter what grade I get because our grading system means it was always technically possible to have done better. We are marked out of 100 but it is rare to get over 75 and unheard of to get over 80. So there are 20 marks that I will never get mad I don't usually get near 80 anyway.

I study full time and have a part time office job that requires a lot of reading. I am really bad at my job because of my ED. I find classes really hard and I have a lot of other hang ups about class too so I never come out of a class having done well.