Mum making sly comments about weight

[RainbowEyes]

Does anybody elses parents do this?

The other day for example, I was pretty bloated. She pokes my tummy and says 'ooh, I thought you had a belly then'
She was also ironing some of my pants the other day, held them up and said she didn't believe I could fit in them!

I'm sure there's been more but I can't remember them all... really doesn't help.

[d0ze]

My mom does something similar to yours, only opposite. I lose a tiny bit of weight, and she's like WOW YOU MUST BE A XXXSMALL, YOU ARE BONES. I fit into a medium pretty well and my mom buys me XS tank tops that hug my entire body like a sausage casing and she's like OMG I thought it would fit!

so triggering.... but I am sorry for your situation, I would feel so betrayed and hurt and angry.... I can't imagine your mother purposefully trying to trigger you though, although there are moms like that out in the world. If so, well.. I am even more sorry...

[annaliese]

I've not experienced this but this sounds very traumatic and upsetting Is she aware of your eating disorder? Could you write her a note and explain it upsets you and leave it on her pillow perhaps?

[HiLz]

When I'm at a healthy weight and I say I'm fat because my clothes are getting tight, my mum encourages me to lose some weight and says I've been eating too much I should eat less. Sometimes when she asks me what I'm going to wear to a particular event we're going to, she asks me if I can actually fit it. I don't get it, because she also makes negative comments such as, well you don't eat, it's because you don't like eating.

In May my cousin was getting married and 2 of my other cousins and I were her bridesmaids. When we finally got together under one roof, we all tried on the bridesmaids dresses and my mum with aunt being in the room as well. Everyone but my mum exclaimed in shock when they saw my body. My cousins said what happened to your breasts they used to be big now there's pretty much nothing left. My aunt said, you've disappeared or something along those lines and my mum said in the most condescending tone, it's because she doesn't like eating.

This same aunt always has something to say about my weight. When I'm normal weight she says I'm fat & when I'm underweight she says I look good and congratulates me on not being as fat as I was last time she saw me. I was at my 2nd lowest weight in May so I guess I was now too thin for her. There's no sense to anything they say about my weight. They don't really know what they like.

[bulimiargh]

My mom does something similar to yours, only opposite. I lose a tiny bit of weight, and she's like WOW YOU MUST BE A XXXSMALL, YOU ARE BONES. I fit into a medium pretty well and my mom buys me XS tank tops that hug my entire body like a sausage casing and she's like OMG I thought it would fit!

so triggering.... but I am sorry for your situation, I would feel so betrayed and hurt and angry.... I can't imagine your mother purposefully trying to trigger you though, although there are moms like that out in the world. If so, well.. I am even more sorry...

Same here. My mum only ever sees me as a weight nowadays. I'm not even bones or that thin.

[pepsi]

This same aunt always has something to say about my weight. When I'm normal weight she says I'm fat & when I'm underweight she says I look good and congratulates me on not being as fat as I was last time she saw me. I was at my 2nd lowest weight in May so I guess I was now too thin for her. There's no sense to anything they say about my weight. They don't really know what they like.

That really sums a lot of it up... people don't know what they really want out of you because when it's about weight, it's usually them projecting their own issues with being too fat/too thin/body dysmorphic/anything else onto you.

My mom has been gone for a long time (and she was actually pretty good about not projecting her issues), but I've found that being really honest with people in general is an effective way of shutting down stuff you don't want to hear.

"My weight and/or my appearance are off-limits as topics of conversation. Sorry."

It can be a bit awkward, but only for a minute, and since it's not something anyone usually says, people usually respond by shutting the hell up about how you look. Throwing the apology in there is a nice little Canadian touch, lol. We do it for a reason! :P

Of course, I've only had the opportunity to try this on friends/acquaintances/co-workers. It might be a whole different power dynamic with older female family members. Still, I think a lot of moms/aunts/grandmas/sisters who make these comments probably need to hear it's not okay.

[Lady Persephone]

Yeah, it really does scar you for life when your mother of all people makes sly comments about your weight. Mine can't help herself cuz she's down on herself for never being thin enough. *rolling eyes* I used to dread going clothes shopping with her or having her measure me for outfits. *ugh* Then, I'll never forget the pride I could see in her face when I had lost so much weight and she could show off to her other friends who had daughters who weren't as stylish or thin or what ever . . . until it got to be a major health issue and poignant, negative comments started rolling in later on in my life. She's changed a lot since the old days but . . . it just never goes away . . . those comments. They stay with you.

[maxnormal]

My mum is Queen Epitome of Passive Aggression.

I think mums can be really scarring to their daughters especially because they see their flaws in you, and try to fix "themselves."
Have you talked to her about it or anything? You could ask her to stop making any body comments at all. I'm really sorry though, that's really rude.