How?

[Otsuka]

How do you set healthy boundaries with people without isolating and shutting down?

[undecided]

there's nothing destructive about cutting ties with toxic people. even being alone is more healthy than sharing your self, time and space with people with whom you feel violated. that's not to say that isolation is healthy but... it's not the only alternative, either. personally i try to be vigilant and recognize the red flags some people are sprouting from their maws as they speak in order to determine who i want to trust, and in what ways and to what degree (the numbers aren't high to be honest). i was always attracted to them, but i'm learning to avoid getting very close to EXTREMELY opinionated people. these guys tend to be ready to tell you what and who you are and where you are in life... for someone like me who feels like an empty shell from years of battling illness or whatever other psychoshit i've got going on, it's easy to let these people in and sort of live vicariously through me. or me through them, dunno, it all gets blurry. it's actually a pretty bizarre experience. i start to autocheck everything in my head to make sure it aligns with this person's world-view, but if it doesn't work for me it's confusing and chaotic and i keep hurting myself anyway. it's like playing some weird pretending game.

by the way, i think that universal "you" is fine sometimes but i personally try to use "i" as much as possible. keeps me from projecting myself onto others and letting other projections into me.