I'm feeling a lot of pain today. Remembering another year that I remember the 5th loss of my angel babies. I've had miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy.
It never gets easier. I always wanted to be a mum. It took me years of medications, ivf treatment and huge amount of self funded money to even get close to conceiving.
The only time I have ever been close to recovering bulimia is when I was pregnant. I forced myself to keep nutrients for the baby.
After going through ivf, getting pregnant and finding out my fiancé had been cheating on me for a year I lost it.
He was abusive already, alarm bells should have rang when he hit me several times. But I stayed. I always stayed.
After the last miscarriage this time last year I promised myself I would leave.
I did leave, but months later.
Everyday I wonder what it would have been like to be a mum to those beautiful angel babies. My heart still breaks when I see a family playing with their children at the beach.
I returned to my escort work, I returned to my binge eating and constant purging, just to numb myself for a little while.
I try to put on a smile and move forward but the memories will always be there - and that's what hurts the most. Remembering.
Sorry for the rant.
Love to all xxx
Closed Thread
Results 1 to 3 of 3
Thread: Emotions
-
10-31-2014 #1
- Join Date
- Sep 2014
- Posts
- 243
Emotions
-
10-31-2014 #2
- Join Date
- Aug 2014
- Posts
- 10
No words but hugs to you. I have an angel babe too. My heart is sad with you. You are a Mum, always. You are. Hope you may one day be blessed with your heart's desire. Thinking of you
-
10-31-2014 #3
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
- Location
- England
- Posts
- 1,192
I'm gonna pm you but I'm just leaving my love here too <3
Posting Permissions
- You may not post new threads
- You may not post replies
- You may not post attachments
- You may not edit your posts
