"You're so skinny! Aren't you eating again?" (after having spent the last 10 hours with me.and seeing me eat 100 calories (rounded up)


Your mom has been losing weight. She's lost 18 lbs.
In what timeframe?
Pretty quickly!
That's good. She in needs it to be healthy.
You know she only eats too much because of you, right?
Yeah, you are the reason she eats too much. You cause her worry.
Thanks. It's nice to hear those words from your mouths instead of from inside my head.
You know it's true.
She did so much wrong with me. She's the reason I stopped eating.
Don't be childish.
Yeah, your mother has never done anything wrong.
All mothers make mistakes. She's made a lot with me.
Well, that's true...
No it's not! She never did anything wrong!
"I'm the worst mother in the world! What did I.do to deserve a child like that?
Why do you hate me so much? I was a good mother! Tell me! Tell me!"
You never saw me for me. You always saw me as someone else. You always tried to make me into someone else. You either saw me as someone else or as a disease or a symptom. I was never a person to you
"That's a lie. What's the real reason you hate me?"
Yeah, that's not true at all. Don't listen to her lies. She's just trying to hurt you.
You never listen to me. You think you know what I'm feeling better than me.Even now.
"That's because I do. I know you better than you."
we are listening! Tell us your feelings!
Listening by invalidating my feelings, calling them lies?
You don't know me better than me. You've never known me.

"YES I DO. The reason for all your problems is --"
Fuck you. ...you made me swear for the first time in years. I'LL NEVER EAT AGAIN BECAUSE OF YOU. WATCH ME DISAPPEAR!
Stop saying cruel things to your mother. She has only ever loved you.
"Why do you hate me so much? I don't deserve this! I.don't understand!"
FINALLY! you DON'T understand, you DON'T KNOW BETTER!
"I do know you better than you though."
Then why don't you understand why this situation has deteriorated into this?
"I don't know. Tell me."
(some revelations later)
"(sobbing) it's a horrible feeling to realize you don't know your own daughter at all."
Healthier than deluding yourself into thinking you do.. You have no idea how much you hurt me by doing that.
"I could never hurt you as much as you hurt me."
Don't talk to your mother like that. And how could you say you not eating is her fault?
Not showing enough self control to not eat herself fat every time she feels bad and guilt tripping me for everything probably wasn't helping. Do you know what it feels like to be 14 and think your mother is in the hospital because of you?
"I never blamed you for it directly."
YOU never blamed me directly. YOU just blamed me in other ways.
Now you stop hurting your mother.
She's hurting me.
Don't lie.
"It's okay, let her get it all out..."
Is this how you listen to me?
Yeah yeah screw you, say what you want. I don't care.
"No no, let her talk... It's good she gets it all out even if it doesn't make any sense. Let her talk..."

Can you do your makeup? We want to go to the restaurant soon.
Let's just go, it's not like she will eat anything!
How long can she live without food?
Apparently a long time.
"Do you want to come?"
I don't know
"Well, do you want us to bring you something to eat?"
You can bring me cup noodles...
Those things are unhealthy.
"Yeah, you need some real food."
But I would like some cup noodles...
"Okay, well, we won't bring you anything then."

Feel my bones.
Oh, that's interesting! You have interesting bones.
Yeah, my ribs are really flexible. It's easy to feel them because there's no muscle or fat on them, just skin.
Yeah, it's convenient. Feel mine! They are harder to feel because of all my fat.
Hey, you're not as fat as her!
"Screw you! I'm not that fat!"
Well, you kind of are.
"Screw all of you! I'll get a drink!"
You can't drink alcohol, it will go straight to your ass!


"You're so pretty. I've never been as pretty as you." (jealous)
Yeah, she's a pretty doable young girl!**
Oh shush...
(makes inappropriate gestures)
I'm sorry, he's drunk.
(smiling) I know. It's okay... (secretly feeling flattered)
Hey, whose legs are these? So tiny! Like a doll, so petite. Is it (my younger sister who's shorter and more petite than me and used to be bmi 17.5 and is still somewhat thin)?
"No, it's her!"
Yes, it's her!
Is it? wow, that's pretty!
Yes, it's like a ballerina. I'll never have that kind of legs.
"Me neither... (depressed)"

hey, it's really nice to see you eat normally! (comment after I was seen eating 430 calories at once. total calories for the previous 36 hours: 1280

"sleeplessness causes overeating! and stress! that's my problem."
before I came to you I'd stayed up for 60 hours and I was plenty stressed. didn't cause me to eat!
Well, you're young, you can stay up a long time! I wish I could still stay up a 2 nights in a row!

Look! I'm not thicker than my phone! (means the length of the phone, not its thickness. goes back against the wall and places the phone against the wall.
That's pretty thin!
Yeah but you still have ways to go to be thinner than the thin side!
You're very thin. But you're healthy so it's okay!

**there's no history of sexual abuse, he just gets like that when drunk.
my reaction to it was probably more unhealthy/abnormal