Thought TW

[Gogeen]

This morbid thought surfaced in my head the other morning, and refuses to shake off: we've come to a fork in the road where either the eating disorder will take me down, with one medical complication or another, or suicide will. Those are the two options. There is no way for a happy ending here, we've crossed that bridge and it's burning.

Though I can coast some through daily life as a "normal" person, it all falls apart behind closed doors.

Anyone else ever felt this way? I am terrified, lonely, and tired.

[undecided]

i still have a vague vision in my head of what my life could be like if i overcome this... my hope comes from there. it is always a possibility, it's always an option.

i'll probably always struggle with the feelings though, at least for a decent amount of years after i've made significant changes to my thought patterns and behaviors.

anyway, i'm not there now. but i can't stop thinking about how i might be some day.