Hi.

How are you all? New to this site, not new to an ED.

Suffered since I was 15 with bulimia and after a few years was able to recover.

Became a Mum, found a wonderful man to share my life with. Things were perfect I was always very aware of being 'thin' and always worried about my weight etc, but I was not unhealthily obsessed in the way I once was, although it was still far more important to me than most. I seemed to have found a somewhat balance and a way of coping and justifying my need to stay thin through mildly disordered eating and behaviors but nothing downright obvious as purging anymore. I felt this was me being 'normal' It wasn't.... but it was far more normal than what I had ever experienced. But the most important thing was that I was happy and I threw myself into life and being the best Mum and wife I could be

After a while for some reason, I felt like I was an imperfect piece of crap that deserved none of this amazing life I had. My self critical perfectonistic personality became more severe and I became very self loathing and felt very empty. Something was missing and I had no idea what. Slowly over years, my behaviors grew more and more disordered and I became more and more preoccupied with weight and my struggle to be what I considered normal. I had a period where that kinda thing wasn't even thought about. I just enjoyed my life. But eventually, my ED came slowly creeping back into my life without my even knowing or noticing. I thought I was doing normal things. I just felt more comfortable doing things 'this' way. I Had to exercise more because I wanted to be healthier. I started becoming obsessed with being healthy and eating healthy as my food choice has always been rather pathetic and I have always been a junkfood junkie. Slowly things progressed and eventually around a year ago things had developed into full blown anorexia. I was diagnosed and set up with a care team once my family became concerned and made me seek help...... A year later. I am trying to recover, but find it hard to fully commit.

Here to just simply get things off my chest, find support and share experiences and hopefully make some friends.

So hiiiiii

Thanks for reading