I am addicted

[Shizuka]

I have never admitted it to anyone, but I am addicted to food.
Everyday is a constant when can i eat next, what can i eat, do i have enough food etc... on and on. I hate it. Food is like a drug to me if not food then coca cola (vanilla coca cola to be specific most the time), i am desperate to lose weight, i regularly try to force myself to vomit, sometime successfully. Most the time though i end up spending ages dry heaving and gagging from my own fingers or my trusty tooth brush, its like my body cannot or will not vomit. I try so hard to but most the time fail. I regularly look up methods of how to and this includes dangerous emetic such as using ipecac or charcoal. I can't exercise much due to how fat and bloody obese i am. I want to be thin i want to lose any amount of weight. Yet i have little to know motivation/will/discipline. I have no energy either, my metabolism doesn't exist (i have a completely frikked up thyroid that is defective essentially, in short i might as well not have one, as it doesn't produce anything, drs call it a severe underactive/nonactive thyroid). I just want to sit around and be lazy and stuff my fat repulsive frikkin ugly face. I have even asked my sisters dealer (she smokes draw and weed) about speed or cocaine to raise my energy/metabolism, just so i can get of my whale like ass.
Honestly i don't know why i am posting, my drs don't listen and i am at the end of my rope

[rcanina]

set small goals

[Shizuka]

I have tried that, I can never stick to them, today alone I have already eaten a ton

[Amycort]

Shizuka I am sorry that you are struggling, it seems very difficult, food taste good and it taste better when you don't throw it up. There has to be way for you to work around your diet in way that makes you happy without throwing up your food. I am not sure if you truly overeat or not or just eat more than you crave, there is always way to manage it. Try buying low calorie packets and eating packaged food that has always helped me avoid overeating in the past.

[Willpowerultra]

I'm sorry I am so addicted as well

[Chew]

I hope you get past it x