I’m losing my fucking mind here

[slipandsink]

Absolutely NOT looking for tips. Just want to vent.

I am in the middle of a full blown relapse. Log every calorie, cut out the useless ones, contemplate the rest, weigh myself daily and cry when it doesn’t move relapse.

Yet I can't LOSE ANY FUCKING WEIGHT.

Like fucking seriously?

I run 25 - 30 miles a week over 4 to 5 sessions. I do two strength sessions a week (at least an hour each) and work in an active job.

I log everything like I said and I average between 1200 - 1500 calories; just of food, not of net intake/output.

There is NO WAY on this earth I’m eating above my BMR and eating back all of my exercise calories (which are largely accurate, as I use a chest strap HRM) to the point where I’d gain weigh. 3500 calories to put fat on, right? There’s NO WAY I’m eating 3500 - 7000 calories a week over what I’m burning. And my weight is fluctuating by the day at this point.

I’m at a point where I feel dizzy working out and have constant colds and feel so tired and run down (which always happens to me when I get like this). I only see two options -

1) stop the exercise because maybe that’s doing something to my weight (I really don’t want to do this)
2) stop eating altogether because clearly my body doesn’t fucking need any actual food...

ARGHHHHHHBKSKFUCIWJXKA

[Mush4Brains]

Thats a mind fuck when that happens. How long have you remained steady at one weight? Is your body properly eliminating? Yeah of course, your body needs food... although sometimes it is a mystery how it can exist on so little. I wish there were something I could suggest (not tip wise). But when I find myself in that situation, i usually change my routine, even dropping the cardio For a couple days or adding a different kind of food to the mix.

[Genibibiou]

It sucks to struggle with that experience. I wish I could give you some advice, to stave off the relapse & the disordered thoughts. If you're worried about the exercise, change over to something balance/resistance based (pilates, barre workouts) that might also help you slow down and get introspective with your body- rather than just 'running it off'. You don't want to get overworked/run down and get sick in bed. Try to get protein from high-fiber sources to keep your digestive track happy, and drink water in the morning & before a shower. Hope some of that helps