Newbie, searching for some answers

[still_imperfect]

Hello everyone. I just stumbled on this site while trying to figure some stuff out.

I think I might have an eating disorder. I usually don't completely starve myself, I eat like 500-800 calories a day and burn maybe 400-600 calories every day-ish, though sometimes I don't eat or exercise at all.

I have the "Thin Commandments," the "Ana Creed," and the "Ana Prayer" posted up on my wall, along with many pictures of thin girls.

I feel guilty for everything I eat, and I really hate food. Well, maybe I hate that I can't live without it. I hate that I want it, when it just makes me fatter.

I've felt like this ever since I've gotten to college, but sometimes I can fight it during water polo season when I feel I need to have as much energy as possible to help my team out. But since polo season doesn't start until February, I was trying to stay in shape, going to the pool and practicing all the time. I end got some friends to volunteer to practice with me.

Unfortunately school and my personal life got to be too much and I didn't have the time anymore. So I'm back to feeling worthless and disgusting.

I'm not sure if this is an eating disorder or not. I understand that people here might not be doctors, but you guys might have some kind of knowledge that might help. If I can give it a name I could do research to find out more.

I'm not near a frightening low weight (I'm a size 12) so I don't think I can classify it as anorexia, and I don't binge and purge like a bulimic... so I really don't know.

Any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

[toofat]

I don't think your size matters, those are just the results of having the eating disorder (i am far from a doctor though) because I am 240 lbs and I think i may be anorexic!

[sarah-charlotte]

hi darlin, i think u might be anorexic, early stages. i remember the worst time for me was before i was diagnosed, its the constant "whats wrong with me?" not having answers and thinking your crazy. if u want to i think u should visit a doctor just to find out if its ana or ednos. once u know for sure everything gets easier. either way you are more than welcome here and know that u are not alone. everyone here has their issues but we draw strength from each other and we will help u too.

[Professorana]

It sounds to me like you're on your way--ana is really more a state of mind rather than about your size. I went from a size 2 (i'm 5 foot 9) to a size 14 when I was in recovery (disgusting). I'm back and pleased to be so. You shouldn't worry about having one or not, but do what makes you feel good. For me that's restricting to about 100-400 cal a day and fasting.

[Ram90011]

I originally joined this site for similar reasons. I think I am becoming anorexic, more than likely there. I do similar things that you do, except I allow life and friends to be an excuse not to eat. If I'm busy, it's easier to keep my mind off food. And as everyone else said, size doesn't matter. It's definately how you see yourself and what you do because of it. I'm not an expert on the issue at all. All I know is that I feel disgusting about who I am and what I look like, and will do almost anything to change it.

[Professorana]

Well, you're in good company and we're here for you. Talk to me whenever you like--I know how you feel