Not Eaten Anything For 6 Days...

[BettyBlue]

Until last night when i had half a jar of baby food, but that was only to shut my BF up!

I'm new here, and very new to the whole eating disorder thing! I've always loved my food, a bit too much really! I love cooking, and eating what i've cooked, watching other people enjoy it etc...never been a big snacker tho, or had much of a sweet tooth, apart from about 2 weeks before NYE, when i ate quite a bit of chocolate, which for me is practically unheard of.

I had a bit of a traumatic new year...family and partner problems. Since then i've just not been able to eat. The last proper thing i had was a bacon sandwich on Weds 31st, in the morning. For the first couple of days i had 1 cup of tea with milk and 2 sugars, a couple of pints of water and maybe a couple of sips of milk. On Sunday i had the same, but i also had an isotonic drink. On Monday i had a tiny amount of natural yogurt and a couple of glasses of apple juice. Tuesday (yest) i had an isotonic drink, water, half a jar of baby food and a bit of yogurt. That's the most i've had for nearly a week...and afterwards i was a bit gutted with myself, and was obsessing about food a bit. My stomach started hurting a bit as well, which it hasn't all week. I've not had 1 hunger pang until last night! I'm ok again this morning, my stomach only gets growly when i have a sip of my drink. So basically my food intake at the mo is:

Cup of tea, 2 sugars & skimmed milk
Isotonic drink and water (at work)
Another cup of tea when i get home, plus water or fruit juice during the evening.
1/2 jar of baby food (but really i want to avoid this, for the reasons mentioned above)

I also had 2 glasses of white wine last night.

I'm just wondering how long i can keep this up. I feel fine in myself, a little dizzy if i walk too fast for too long, but i've always been a fast walker. Clear headed, not sleepy all the time, no hunger pangs or pains and i feel quite 'clean' in myself. I'm going to get some vitamin tablets, iron, calcium, zinc, vit c, some hair and nails tablets...can anyone recommend any others? I'm going to get some laxatives as well...not to lose more weight, just so i can 'go', coz i haven't all week, and i don't want to make myself ill that way!

I had no intention of 'starving' myself...in fact i had no intention of any kind! It's just worked out that way. I know the dangers of what i'm doing, but at the moment there doesn't seem a way of stopping myself, short of stuffing a big meal down myself and just going back to 'normal', which i wasn't happy with.

Sorry for making my first post such an essay, but it feels so good to be able to get it all out to someone, especially to people who's reaction won't be 'have a curry!' lol

BB xx

[RainbowEyes]

Get out of this habit while you still can
It's not nice.

[Professorana]

If this is just a temporary first time response to a stressful situtation than I would say go eat something. But the fact that you're eating babyfood makes me think you've dieted before. If you really have anorexic tendencies that's different but I'd encourage you not to dive into ana head first if this isn't something long term for you.

Best of luck

[BettyBlue]

I have tried to diet before, but only lasted a couple of days. I've always found diet 'regimes' too restricting, and expensive if you do them 'by the book'. I've never had the perseverance or willpower needed, and i've not done one for over 3 years. I had the baby food because it wasn't solid food...i've only ever tasted it once before and that was when i was feeding it to my daughter many years ago! Even the small pieces of pasta in it i had to kinda squish between my teeth with loads of saliva to make it liquid before i could swallow it. The thought of having to chew and swallow anything substantial really goes through me.

The first few days the not eating was totally involuntary, but the past 4 or 5 i've been doing it more on purpose as the days have gone on. And i feel a million times better for it, stronger, better than i have done for years. I was very young when i had my daughter, and i never lost that 'baby belly', so i've had a pretty bad self body image from a young age. The last few years have been the worst tho. So i kinda want to take advantage of this willpower that's suddenly appeared out of nowhere! I was a size 8-10 around 12 years ago, and i wasn't happy with my body then, i still thought i was overweight. Compared to now, i probably wasn't, but i still had the belly, fat ass and thighs and no boobs. (They'll be the only thing i'll miss TBH haha) In my opinion and in my head, i was still fat, no matter how many times i was told that i wasn't.

I'm not 'trying' to be anorexic. At the moment, i don't really know what i'm trying to do. I'm just going to see what happens. But one thing i'm not prepared to do yet is eat. I just need to know how to avoid f**king myself up too much in the meantime and thought this would be a good place find out.

Thanks for reading