new and confused

[skinnymini85]

ive not used this forum before so hi, im new
im a bit confused, ive not really spoke to other ppl who have eating disorders about mine before and im a bit confused, wonder if everyone elses is similar...

ive had problems with eating since i was at dance college few years ago wen i got piked on for being too fat and i lost ALOT of weight but it wasnt thru anorexia, then i was picked on for being too skinny (picked on by the teacher this is).. after that wen i started gaining a bit of weight again i was terrified n hated it n thats wen i started dieting and exercising, which then which then escalated into eating as little as possible all the time and exercising to burn off alot more calories than i had eaten that day.

so thats that but that was couple of years ago and since then i have had phases wer i jus eat what i want n gain weight n although its always nagging me in my head it never goes but i can jus ignore it...then something can trigger me off again...

and about a month ago its tuk hold of me again as i became ill and lost a little bit of weight, that started me of again and i now need to lose loads of weight im obsessed again and im glad cause i look and feel better. ive lost a stone now in a month since then im now 128lbs...

jus wondering tho as it confuses me...does this happen to all of you where u have times of it easing off n then coming back?
i eat as little as possible, think about food and not eating 24/7, constantly execrcise, if i eat something shit i feel 10 times fatter then next day even tho u no its impossible and angry with myself and i NEED to b really skinny....i defo have a prob with food dont i? is all of you the same?? it drives me mad but at the same time it makes me feel good

xxx

[anaXx]

Hiya hun an welcome,

Ok first off, trust me, anybody who has an eating disorder, food or (lack of food) is always on their mind.Anytime your eating your thinking u shouldnt be, and wen ur on a serios fast, all u wanna do is eat, but then punish urself even longer 4 even contemplating eating...
I know how u feel, i also used to dance, but once Ana took a serios hold of me i gave it up (like everything else i enjoyed). And i kno how u feel bout the whole wait gain thing, its actualli the worst feeling in the world, i was hospitilised las year for 2 months, force fed the whole lot, so the wait gain jus made me wanna die. Aniways im not encouraging u to lose wait r anithing, jus sayin i kno how it feels an all that...

xxx

[Sigh]

hey welcome

something i've been doing when I have a really strong craving is swishing with mouthwash. We have this flavor that I can't stand and once I have that taste in my mouth I have no desire to eat anything else.

I don't know if it'll help you, but It's been working for me!

[justme]

It's the same here, I think of food constantly.... Then I go on a diet and might loose 5-7kg then I can't keep it up -not eating, and gain all the weight again!

[Smilexx]

If I think about food I don't want to eat, unless I haven't eaten in too long in which case I tend to wolf down as much of whatever I can get my hands onto, and then feel guilty and... well you know the cycle. Talking about food makes me not hungry too. I mean I love food, I love to eat, but the thought of food makes me very not hungry. It's really weird.